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emilsn
Legendary Hero
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posted February 23, 2010 06:45 PM |
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Quote:
Emilsn: If she doesn't make it a habit don't bother. If she does make it a habit talk to her. She's probably doing it becuase of something wrong in her life. But for the love of god don't tell her to get help!
DG: Talk to her.
I talked to her and it isn't really a habit but I can't put myself in her place
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Don't walk behind me; I may not
lead. Don't walk in front of me;
I may not follow. Just walk
beside me and be my friend.
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JoonasTo
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
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posted February 23, 2010 06:58 PM |
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Well, I can, and I wouldn't be exactly pleased to hear my partner tell me to get help...
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DON'T BE A NOOB, JOIN A.D.V.E.N.T.U.R.E.
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ohforfsake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted February 23, 2010 07:24 PM |
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Quote:
Crushes do not last long.
I don't know about that. The third crush I had in my life went on for 15 years. It didn't stop before I asked myself what I loved about her.
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Living time backwards
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted February 23, 2010 07:28 PM |
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ohforfsake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted February 23, 2010 07:36 PM |
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Yeah, does that sound wrong? 
Otherwise it can be understood as: What was it with her that made me love (in love) her.
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Living time backwards
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted February 23, 2010 11:43 PM |
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well, makes it sounds like you weren't in love with her but with a part of her.
like the usual crush of a 14 years old guy : "I'm in love with her because she has big boobs" 
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wog_edn
Promising
The Nothingness
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posted February 24, 2010 12:22 AM |
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That part might have been her personality.
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DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
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posted February 25, 2010 01:00 AM |
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Fauch: it's not love that makes me unhappy, it's the fact I have these feelings but cannot express my affections. It's the fear of change for everything and it is also desire, which is very unlike me. I think she even knows and that it is tactfully ignored. Hell, I want to say it. It's a burden of sorts, you see?
Mvass: I have decided to give it some time. If I can't handle it anymore or if I suffer significantly longer, I'll still contact her, but as for now I have chosen to dely it till mid-april (compromise between both suggestions in a way ) (sorry for those that wanted drama). If things go badly, I'll do it sooner, but I doubt they will. With the delay, she'll be spared from an embarassment and I'll just go ahead with my life in my own direction once the world has brned a bit and I'll do whatever (yeah, I'm not as much of a paragon of virtue). Hell, maybe I'll even meet this other girl and like her or something (as IF!).
The feelings have been lasting a long time so far. The thing is I don't see her often, because she moved away a while ago (yet, I see her frequently enough to know she is still fond of me in some way), so these feelings don't wane much.
Spacebunny: when I analyse the things that I like in her I quickly get this feeling she is rather unique, which is not helping at all. Though, thank you for your good luck wishes.
Ichirguboil: I AM a coward, regardless of what you said.
The fact I'm fretting about this means I've been afraid for a very long time. Telling her might be brave, but it may also be regarded as a final act of desperation, you see? A way to destroy part of myself that is not beneficial to me.
When you talk about it not being possible to make people love us I was reminded of the equation a teacher once made. It's like an egg, the love you give
Easily broken and really messy when people leave you behind with it.
Not seeing her doesn't help, by the way. It makes the emotions in fact stronger. Maybe I'm mistaking love for feelings of fondness and severe lacking.
Also, I have participated in many creative projects in the emantime. they only help temporarily.
JJ: I don't mind listening to her when she talks about this guy she likes. I know. Strange, right? Though, sometimes I'm mugged by feelings of jealousy, it only happens on moments of weakness. You know, facts are facts and I understand these facts: he can offer her things that I cannot. It's a matter of value in the end. I am less valuable to her in a certain way, you see?
Why torture myself?
It depends, I can always grow more resilient out of these things. No, that's not it. The reason may be romantic in nature. Maybe I don't want to lose her, you see? Maybe it's something I treasure very deeply and I practically can't afford to lose? It's possible.
Mytical: How am I hurting her by denying myself? Isn't that some form of altruism?
Thanks for the support, guys!
(surprising amount of people deal with this)
DOOM: I wasn't listening to you, because I'm not you. Also, I'm not as bitter. Also, time healing wounds and growing stronger out of these things is ridiculous. Scars don't make you stronger, only wearier and more bitter.
Quote:
Think that "oh, it was JUST love, she doesn't like me at all" if the situation was turned around? Doesn't it sound weird? I can't even imagine such a cold reaction.
Just quoting this. This changes things. Think about it. I've talked to her a lot in my life and I've talked about a broad range of things. I called her smart and I admitted I looked up to her. I discussed things like philosophy with her. I love hearing her talk invariably. Now, if I told her I've been in love with her for a very long time that means I wasn't interested in her for who she is or what she has to say, but that I jut wanted her to feel special so I can get to her. It were her looks ALL ALONG!
Do you see what I mean here?
Yeah, I wouldn't react that way, because I am not a handsome devil. In fact, the only card I have in my advantage is my wit and way of speech (and my good-natured devotion to others, but that is not something people want nowadays). I am not a girl, but I can get inside her mind. I admit I can't accurately predict how she would react to me personally, but I can accurately predict that she generally dismisses guys that have a crush on her. Typing about this calms me down by the way. My flight or flight instinct is also working. Excellent.
Quote:
Seriously, if you understand each other and have a great time together, what else do you need? If that's not enough for her, I really think she's still too young to understand how important this is.
Mr. Pot meet mr. Kettle!
Sorry, I just wanted to say you are rather picky as well (You have more than those two criteria, I'm sure!)(ignoring current situation). And, listen, you can't rationalise love. You can do it with men, you can do it with the kind of women that are bitter, but you can't do it with women, especially women who have a lot of hope or romanticism in them. It's impossible. These are also the kind of women that tell me I will meet someon I fall head over heels in love with and they'll change my way of thinking about love. HAH!
Joonas: What can I talk about? I'm afraid and everything will come out all wrong with my syntaxes and commas in all the wrong places and i'll end up scaring her away.
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If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
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JollyJoker
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
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posted February 25, 2010 06:41 AM |
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Quote:
JJ: I don't mind listening to her when she talks about this guy she likes. I know. Strange, right? Though, sometimes I'm mugged by feelings of jealousy, it only happens on moments of weakness. You know, facts are facts and I understand these facts: he can offer her things that I cannot. It's a matter of value in the end. I am less valuable to her in a certain way, you see?
Why torture myself?
It depends, I can always grow more resilient out of these things. No, that's not it. The reason may be romantic in nature. Maybe I don't want to lose her, you see? Maybe it's something I treasure very deeply and I practically can't afford to lose? It's possible.
*shrug* an attitude of self-pitying, romantically glorified martyrism with the hope of eternal life in the form of a somewhat happier ending.
If that's enough for you...
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"Nobody dies a virgin ... Life f*cks us all." - Kurt Cobain
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted February 25, 2010 08:08 AM |
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That sentence is so quotable 
@Dagoth
If you think you are gonna mess up now what makes you think it will be better if you get desperate enough? Just stop torturing yourself, you know you want to tell her and be at ease. If she tactfully ignores what she sees she will not be abrupt with what you tell her either.
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H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted February 25, 2010 02:17 PM |
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I must agree with JJ 
Dagoth, you're NOT less worth than her. Instead of drowning in the sea of low self esteem and self-pity, you would do MUCH better to realize that SHE is losing a LOT by NOT wanting to be with YOU. Know what you are worth man: I'm pretty sure it's a lot, despite the attitude you have.
Quote:
Just quoting this. This changes things. Think about it. I've talked to her a lot in my life and I've talked about a broad range of things. I called her smart and I admitted I looked up to her. I discussed things like philosophy with her. I love hearing her talk invariably. Now, if I told her I've been in love with her for a very long time that means I wasn't interested in her for who she is or what she has to say, but that I jut wanted her to feel special so I can get to her. It were her looks ALL ALONG!
This is SO WRONG. On so many levels, I don't even know where to begin.
1. Why Looks? Do you think you can fall in love just because of looks and not the things you mentioned or? I guess you don't because it obviously wasn't looks that made her attractive to you. So, why do you think she would think opposite?
2. Do you think it's so bad to be loved because of how a fantastic person you are? You're almost making it sound like an insult.
3. By your logic, if you admire someone, you should never EVER admit love, because, well, that changes things, means you don't like to talk to that person, spend time with her, you "only" love her, meaning, you just want to "get" her, not spend time with her.
4. If after so long admitting it is wrong, when do you think it would be appropriate? at the first glance? now THAT would be LOOKS only. Because how can you get to know her in any other way than by spending time with her?
Which means you should go with the dullest girl you know, because obviously, since there is nothing you like in her and nothing you admire, love is the only reasonable solution.
Quote:
Do you see what I mean here?
Yeah, I wouldn't react that way, because I am not a handsome devil. In fact, the only card I have in my advantage is my wit and way of speech (and my good-natured devotion to others, but that is not something people want nowadays). I am not a girl, but I can get inside her mind. I admit I can't accurately predict how she would react to me personally, but I can accurately predict that she generally dismisses guys that have a crush on her. Typing about this calms me down by the way. My flight or flight instinct is also working. Excellent.
I'm happy that you feel better And if she "dismisses guys who have a crush on her", well... it's one of the possible options...
a) She's completely immature (talking about philosophy doesn't make people mature.)
b) She doesn't understand that she wants a guy that will never love her
c) She doesn't know what she wants or is not ready for a relationship
d) She completely doesn't understand the value of true emotions
e) extreme - she is incapable of feeling those, which may or may not be connected to dismissal or even contempt towards such feelings (which is derivative of psychopathy) - but I don't think it goes that deep.
f) the most possible - they are just not the guys she wants, not her type, thus she dismisses THEM, not the FEELING (big difference).
Which basically means, who knows how she COULD react to YOU having a crush on her.
But since she's talking about some dude (may I ask what kind of person is he? A local bad-@ss, by any chance?), you should think and answer me a single question...
how would she react if that guy she's interested in would admit a crush on her?
You can ask her, too.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted February 25, 2010 08:27 PM |
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Edited by Fauch at 20:27, 25 Feb 2010.
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well, doomforge more or less said what I was going to post.
Quote:
Fauch: it's not love that makes me unhappy, it's the fact I have these feelings but cannot express my affections. It's the fear of change for everything and it is also desire, which is very unlike me. I think she even knows and that it is tactfully ignored. Hell, I want to say it. It's a burden of sorts, you see?
err... it's more or less what I said
Quote:
Just quoting this. This changes things. Think about it. I've talked to her a lot in my life and I've talked about a broad range of things. I called her smart and I admitted I looked up to her. I discussed things like philosophy with her. I love hearing her talk invariably. Now, if I told her I've been in love with her for a very long time that means I wasn't interested in her for who she is or what she has to say, but that I jut wanted her to feel special so I can get to her. It were her looks ALL ALONG!
basically, you mean that if you tell her you love her, she'll just understand "I want to have sex with you" ?
well, that's true that people are weird sometimes. you say huge lies and they believe you without a question, then you spontaneously say the truth, and they become very suspicious.
Quote:
When you talk about it not being possible to make people love us I was reminded of the equation a teacher once made. It's like an egg, the love you give
Easily broken and really messy when people leave you behind with it
that sounds so wrong. I would say, love is like radiations.
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DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
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posted February 27, 2010 12:51 AM |
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Quote:
*shrug* an attitude of self-pitying, romantically glorified martyrism with the hope of eternal life in the form of a somewhat happier ending.
If that's enough for you...
Why truly romanticism, good sir, care to clarify one or two words from this soliloquy? o_q
Quote:
Dagoth, you're NOT less worth than her. Instead of drowning in the sea of low self esteem and self-pity, you would do MUCH better to realize that SHE is losing a LOT by NOT wanting to be with YOU. Know what you are worth man: I'm pretty sure it's a lot, despite the attitude you have.
Where did I say I was "unworthy"?
It's true I pity myself. I have that tendency. I wasn't raised to be very strong by myself, wish I was, but not everyone can be completely self-sufficient al the time. I try to make up for that, but it's hard.
Doomforge: aren't you that guy who never uses the word love unless you're old and sad and almost dead, but still have this old woman hanging on to you, because she doesn't want to die alone? Well, why suddenly talk as if I love her? Wouldn't you call it fascination? Just a fling, you know? Silliness and all that?
CHARADE YOU ARE!
Quote:
that sounds so wrong. I would say, love is like radiations.
Indeed, it gives you cancer.
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If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted February 27, 2010 02:20 AM |
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Quote:
basically, you mean that if you tell her you love her, she'll just understand "I want to have sex with you" ?
Unfortunately, the popular idea of relationships being what it is, that usually is what it means.
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Eccentric Opinion
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JollyJoker
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
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posted February 27, 2010 10:28 AM |
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Quote:
Quote:
*shrug* an attitude of self-pitying, romantically glorified martyrism with the hope of eternal life in the form of a somewhat happier ending.
If that's enough for you...
Why truly romanticism, good sir, care to clarify one or two words from this soliloquy? o_q
It seems, that others share my "verdict".
DG, if you was happy at the moment, you wouldn't take this to the board.
When I say now, I'm much older than you, I say that only because it is to underline my claim: I've seen a lot.
And believe me, when I say, there is NOTHING more pitiable (from the outside) than the "faktotum": the reliable, stalwart, selfless good friend of a brightly glittering girl, always there to comfort, always there to understand, serving her, advising her, admiring her, hoping that one day it might just "click"...
Let's for a moment assume that you really like the girl as a PERSON, that is, brain and personality. In this case looks, shape and so on wouldn't matter; she could weigh 90 kilos and be 1.90 meters long - it wouldn't matter. However, in this case you wouldn't waste any romantic thoughts on her. Meet her to have a nice chat once in a while, phone when YOU had a problem, get phoned when she had one. You know, it could be a good buddy.
However, if you are ATTRACTED by her being a GIRL as well, this isn't cutting it. You want to get "more", as much as possible, explore every facet, not just a few, because there seem so many more aspects worth delving into.
Now, in my experience, with usual heterosexual people, if there is any relationship at all (one that is not based on knowing each other just because of mutual friends or something), that is, a 1-1 relationship that exists without other persons, there is EITHER
a) the chance for it to become more
b) one is playing games (might even be a subconscious things).
The reason for this is, that usual heterosexual people strive to get nearer to each other, once there IS sort of a magnetism.
If there is magnetism based on the mind, people may be reluctant to try and explore the bodily aspects, fearing the destruction of a working magnetic thing, but in the end it's inevitable to go that way. (Which is the reason, why married couples where one is working and the other is not, the working part so often has an affair AT WORK - you work well with someone else, magnetism starts, and inevitably you'll start to dance.)
Now, whatever the motives of the girl - try to reverse the roles. Imagine a girl, brillant mind and personality, witty, you'd love to talk to her - and strangely enough she always seems to be available when you call; you tell her a lot of things about you, what girls you like, who you have a crush on - but not on her, you make that quite clear... what are your thoughts about that girl? If you really liked her in some platonic way - wouldn't you ask her, hey, what about HER, what about a boy-friend... PRIVATE things, because you had an interest?
And if she told you, she'd so adore you, couldn't help but felling much in love, how would YOU react?
I know, how it sounds, but in my experience there is one GOLDEN RULE in life:
If there is something you REALLY want and you can't have it FULLY or the way you want to - DECLINE COMPLETELY. It will save you a LOT, and I mean A LOT of trouble you do not want, under no circumstances.
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted February 27, 2010 12:21 PM |
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Quote:
that sounds so wrong. I would say, love is like radiations.
Indeed, it gives you cancer.
I wasn't thinking about that kind of radiations
I was saying, it's not something you give, it just radiates from you and has an effect (normally positive) on people near you.
logically, if you are truely feeling love, you shouldn't even have to say it, people near you should feel it too.
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TheDeath
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
with serious business
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posted February 27, 2010 03:47 PM |
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Quote:
Now, whatever the motives of the girl - try to reverse the roles. Imagine a girl, brillant mind and personality, witty, you'd love to talk to her - and strangely enough she always seems to be available when you call; you tell her a lot of things about you, what girls you like, who you have a crush on - but not on her, you make that quite clear... what are your thoughts about that girl? If you really liked her in some platonic way - wouldn't you ask her, hey, what about HER, what about a boy-friend... PRIVATE things, because you had an interest?
And if she told you, she'd so adore you, couldn't help but felling much in love, how would YOU react?
Just to add my 2 cents to this.
This means that, despite she knowing I'm not interested in her, she still "adores" me... so she can be some sort of 'admirer' or, going extreme, 'slave-like' for me. I would feel quite important tbh, and no, even if I absolutely will NOT want this girl (given her dedication over my previous thoughts), I will absolutely NOT find her a "creep" or anything... I don't throw out my admirers just like that, quite the opposite actually.
But that's just me.
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The above post is subject to SIRIOUSness.
No jokes were harmed during the making of this signature.
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JollyJoker
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
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posted February 27, 2010 04:26 PM |
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Just to clarify - the last questionmark doesn't have a specific answer in mind - DG is just supposed to reverse roles and think about it.
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted February 27, 2010 07:48 PM |
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Quote:
It's true I pity myself. I have that tendency. I wasn't raised to be very strong by myself, wish I was, but not everyone can be completely self-sufficient al the time. I try to make up for that, but it's hard.
It's not necessary to be arrogant, self-sufficient or high-ego guy. But knowing one's worth is VERY important.
I know what I have to offer to a girl. Objectively, it IS a lot. Complete dedication, understanding and care, for instance. I know I would never ever cheat on a girl or neglect her in ANY way. I'm sure you would do the same. Believe in yourself, because this alone already makes you a perfect partner for many, many girls.
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Doomforge: aren't you that guy who never uses the word love unless you're old and sad and almost dead, but still have this old woman hanging on to you, because she doesn't want to die alone? Well, why suddenly talk as if I love her? Wouldn't you call it fascination? Just a fling, you know? Silliness and all that?
CHARADE YOU ARE!
Clarification  yes I still think the same aka that the world "love" is a) overused b) said without much thought c) used too fast. But also, there was something I changed in my thinking.
When William ended his relationship, he said he was in love. I thought this is not possible according to MY definition, but he told me I shouldn't say that because it's impossible for me to judge how he feels.
I gave it a thought and ultimately agreed.
So when you say you love her, I take it as truth, no matter on how I perceive love, because my definition doesn't need to apply to you at all. And I have no right to tell you you don't love her because, well, I'm not you
Quote:
I know, how it sounds, but in my experience there is one GOLDEN RULE in life:
If there is something you REALLY want and you can't have it FULLY or the way you want to - DECLINE COMPLETELY. It will save you a LOT, and I mean A LOT of trouble you do not want, under no circumstances.
The most brilliant advice given in the topic.
While I'm not even half of JJ's age, it's my experience here - and the conclusions from that experience - is exactly the same.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted February 27, 2010 08:06 PM |
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"It's not necessary to be arrogant, self-sufficient or high-ego guy. But knowing one's worth is VERY important.
I know what I have to offer to a girl. Objectively, it IS a lot. Complete dedication, understanding and care, for instance. I know I would never ever cheat on a girl or neglect her in ANY way. I'm sure you would do the same. Believe in yourself, because this alone already makes you a perfect partner for many, many girls"
ego and love aren't compatible, the ego is unable to love, not even sure if he knows what it is (maybe he thinks he knows)
being in love, maybe that means ignoring your ego.
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