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Zenofex
Responsible
Legendary Hero
Kreegan-atheist
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posted June 05, 2012 08:06 PM |
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Promises that can't be kept should never be given. When a promise is given - to yourself or to somebody else - it has to be kept, full stop. Promising that you won't fall in love is not much different than promising that you'll walk between the raindrops and won't let any of them hit you. If you've had a bad experience - well, life's got pretty ****** rules but running away won't make you a better player. So instead of whining on the forums and trying to avoid the inevitable, get a mace and hit her so hard that she can never leave you. 
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Tsar-Ivor
Promising
Legendary Hero
Scourge of God
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posted June 05, 2012 08:07 PM |
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I've come to the conclusion that everyone is responsible for everything, an individual in an avarage life-span would send ripples to all corners (within reason of course) and at the end they're responsible for it all, each individual, but are they capable of handling that responsibility? Nay. Then who is? The ones who understand what I just said
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"No laughs were had. There is only shame and sadness." Jenny
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OhforfSake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted June 05, 2012 08:19 PM |
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Quote:
I've come to the conclusion that everyone is responsible for everything, an individual in an avarage life-span would send ripples to all corners (within reason of course) and at the end they're responsible for it all, each individual, but are they capable of handling that responsibility? Nay. Then who is? The ones who understand what I just said
This makes me think about the saying 'a butterfly's win can cause a tornado' refering to the how chaotic systems can change rapidly due to small fluctuations in certain regions. What it ignores is that said butterfly is indistinguishable from every other factor.
If everyone are to a large extend equal responsible, then they're also equally not responsible.
Being the cause of something does not make you responsible for it. Responsibility it something you decide for yourself to take up.
Quote:
When a promise is given - to yourself or to somebody else - it has to be kept, full stop.
This make me associate a lot with eastern european mentality. Everyone makes mistakes, people are different, we don't know what someones motives were at any particular moment in time, let people be free to regret.
If you and another person have great respect for eachother and said person makes a promise, which he ends up breaking, it's part of great respect to realise then there's also a very good reason for this and acknowledge this person have gained a higher wisdom score.
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NoobX
Undefeatable Hero
Now, this is a paradox...
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posted June 05, 2012 08:24 PM |
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Let me repeat: I was 13 (or was I 12?)! Love didn't mean anything to me, it just happened. This also applies to when I was younger.
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Ghost said:
Door knob resembles anus tap.
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Tsar-Ivor
Promising
Legendary Hero
Scourge of God
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posted June 05, 2012 08:30 PM |
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Ergo would it be accurate to say that you are no longer the same person as the one that made that promise?
I change everyday, one epithany leads to another, I grow, I learn, and I experience, I do not shackle myself to the past.
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"No laughs were had. There is only shame and sadness." Jenny
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OhforfSake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted June 05, 2012 08:30 PM |
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And now you're 14 and it's an entirely different situation.
Let me guess, when you're 18 you'll talk about how immature you were when you were 14. No offense intended. I just see a lot of guys doing that.
In any case, unless you really know the person, i.e. are part of said persons life on a regular basis, then your love is most likely merely for an avatar. The imagination you've of said person and the glorification of whatever shallow qualities you've randomly decided (or been decided for you) to be of importance.
If you want to deal with the situation, then in stead of focusing on your promise, why not try to get close to said persons life (if she/he allows you in, that is)? In the worst case scenario, you'll have a new great friend, and in the best case scenario, you'll find yourself at a point where eachothers relationship will make any promise to any friend seem irrelevant.
If that's what you go for, then address the person with the same respect you'd want someone to address someone you love with.
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I change everyday, one epithany leads to another, I grow, I learn, and I experience, I do not shackle myself to the past.
Oh, but you do! For every action you take, for every moment you create, yourself you make.
In other words, habits rule life. The one who masters his habits, masters himself.
Yeah, I know it's cheap
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Tsar-Ivor
Promising
Legendary Hero
Scourge of God
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posted June 05, 2012 08:37 PM |
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I meant that I do not shackle myself to the past thinking that's the 'pinnacle'.
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"No laughs were had. There is only shame and sadness." Jenny
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NoobX
Undefeatable Hero
Now, this is a paradox...
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posted June 05, 2012 08:40 PM |
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It is SHE, Forfy, SHE!
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Ghost said:
Door knob resembles anus tap.
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OhforfSake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted June 05, 2012 08:41 PM |
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I know what you meant tsar (I think). Just pointing out that even if you don't set yourself these 'stupid' hinderances, you're still very connected to the past, even if you don't believe you're the same person as when you were intoxicated.
Oh a she-forfy? What's that like? A sexy person with some ulterior quality? In other words an attractive version of myself?
Edit: Thanks for emphasizing your sexuality to a board of strangers, btw.
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NoobX
Undefeatable Hero
Now, this is a paradox...
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posted June 05, 2012 08:49 PM |
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Edited by NoobX at 20:50, 05 Jun 2012.
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Forfy, you said "she/he" and I felt insulted because I'm all hetero, not homo.
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Ghost said:
Door knob resembles anus tap.
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OhforfSake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted June 05, 2012 08:54 PM |
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'She/he' basicly means "whatever you're into", not trying to make it any of my business. If I had written 'he' on the other hand, I'd be implying something, yes.
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Zenofex
Responsible
Legendary Hero
Kreegan-atheist
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posted June 05, 2012 08:54 PM |
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Quote:
This make me associate a lot with eastern european mentality.
Erm... what?
Quote:
If you and another person have great respect for eachother and said person makes a promise, which he ends up breaking, it's part of great respect to realise then there's also a very good reason for this and acknowledge this person have gained a higher wisdom score.
Maybe I should've mentioned that I don't expect most people to keep their promises, including the people close to me. The types of promises that I would want to be kept are very few too. However, my "mentality" is such that I consider some things unconditional and that applies both to myself and to the people who I don't treat as strangers. It's a matter of Respect (capital R) and self-knowledge to give a promise about something important and to keep it no matter what it costs you - if you doubt yourself or anything related to this promise, it's better to be honest with the other person and not promise anything that you will later not do anyway.
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OhforfSake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted June 05, 2012 09:02 PM |
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Well, you know the saying, nothing is 100%. Of course people with respect for eachother can justify expectations regarding keeping promises. But life is gray, if you know what I'm saying, everyone is influenced by everything.
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Tsar-Ivor
Promising
Legendary Hero
Scourge of God
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posted June 05, 2012 09:03 PM |
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I met this 'guy', kinda nice lookin' n' all, turned on by him, turns out that he's actually a lesbian, so I'm confused.
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"No laughs were had. There is only shame and sadness." Jenny
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OhforfSake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted June 05, 2012 09:04 PM |
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Dafuq?
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 06, 2012 02:31 AM |
bonus applied by Corribus on 07 Jun 2012. |
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I hope that the following story will be instructive and helpful for anyone who wants to achieve the same goal that I achieved, though I don't know how useful it'd be because a good quantity of luck was involved. If nothing else, it's a series of anecdotes that may show a side of me that isn't seen often at HC.
Freshman (first) year of college, I lived in the dorms (as I still do). This girl (let's call her A) lived literally across the hall from me. I encountered her fairly early on - in the first week after getting there - but she didn't make much of an impression. That October/November, I had the misadventure of my one-month girlfriend (the archives of which are somewhere on HC). By the time I had broken up with her, I had been making friends in my dorm hall, and I had a well-functioning friend group with a good amount in common. The friend group was (and is) largely centered around a friend whom I'll call B. A was also a member of this group, but I didn't know her well, and when I saw more of her, I thought something like, "She's one of those innocent, nice, conflict-averse, intelligent, childlike, and ultimately uninteresting people." I thought we would have relatively few common interests and I doubted our worldviews would have much similarity. We would not have hung out with each other on our own initiatives, but we had many common friends and some common interests in group activities. One thing I noted, however, was that she was unusually physically affectionate with the group - she liked hugs. At the time, I disliked hugs because they were used to annoy me in high school, so I didn't enjoy her hugging me. She decided she was going to "hug-train" me - she started hugging me more often, and I didn't really object because it didn't bother me that much. However, I didn't return her hugs. She later told me this confused her - I didn't tell her to stop and didn't resist, but I didn't reciprocate. Eventually she told me that she would stop hugging me if I didn't hug her back, and I thought I didn't want to look like a jerk, and also that her hugs were definitely different from the ones earlier in my life, so I started hugging her back. This was near the end of freshman year.
Sophomore (second) year we also lived in close proximity, but I spent less time with her because I spent more time with other members of the group. She initially didn't like the way we interacted, because she thought we were being uncaring and mean to each other. It took her a while, but she eventually realized that it was only friendly banter (despite the high quantity of insults). That same year, we discovered more common interests, such as Civ.
This year, two of the friends with whom I spent the most time were abroad for the first semester, so I spent time with other people more. I lived with B, and because he is relatively popular and social (among members of my social group), his room was social space and he was visited often. A often hung out there. One major boon to our interaction was that one of the friends who went abroad left behind a couple of pillows and a couch, which were stored in B's room. Somehow, A and I started wrestling over the pillows, as they were comfortable to hold while sitting. Eventually, this became a regular and fun activity, one in which sometimes others participated. As she is a girl and lighter than me, despite my lack of strength I always ended up with the pillow. After losing to me several times, when I would win the pillow from her, she would let me put it in my lap, then she'd lie down and put her head on it and rest. When she would do this, we would converse, and the conversations were more enjoyable than I would have expected. One day, B was busy doing homework and wanted us out of his room, so he told us to go to my room instead. This we did, and fought over the pillow there, on my bed. When we were tired, we lay down on the bed and started talking. B, having realized that he could banish us from his room to mine (and considering us to be occasionally annoying) started sending us there more often, so we would lie in my bed and talk. We would talk about various subjects that interested us, our pasts, etc. We discovered that we were brought up very similarly and had almost the same childhoods, down to minor details. I told her of the unpleasant redneck bros at my high school, and she told me of the hipsters from hers. We talked of philosophy and of society - and quickly realized that we had a lot in common. The more we talked, the more similarities we discovered. Soon the pillows that brought us there were forgotten. We also became physically closer - we started out lying approximately a foot apart, and after about a month there was no distance between us. She helped me discover how enjoyable physical affection can be. We soon started leaving B's room of our own accord and adjourning to my room. We became even closer after she had some difficulties with friends (some of whom were being uncooperative, and some of whom were suffering from problems that affected her) and I supported and comforted her. I would also buy her snacks, give her back massages, and generally keep her company when she was doing homework late at night. We became closer and closer, and now we live together for the summer (as we are both working on campus).
"But this story isn't useful at all, Mvass! It's just random things that happened to you!" Good point, rhetorical person. I'll say some assorted things I learned from this experience that may be more directly useful.
- Just because a person does not appear similar to you on the surface does not mean they aren't similar to you on the inside. Obviously, if there are obvious and significant differences in behavior, internal similarities are unlikely (for example, if you're a reserved, calm person and you meet a partier who likes to drink), but external differences can sometimes be deceptive.
- Always be honest. This doesn't mean "blurt out everything you're thinking at every moment", but if asked, don't conceal anything, and if you think something is at all relevant, tell the other person. If you have any kind of question about them, ask them. If you have any kind of problem (either with them or in your life in general), talk to them about it. Expect the same level of honesty from them.
- Don't be reluctant to do things you think are weird or silly. Maybe they'll understand them and even share your impulses.
- Do not be in a relationship with anyone with whom you could not be friends. The qualities that are important for friendship are even more important for a significant other, as you'll be spending a lot of time with them and should want to enjoy it in as many ways as possible.
- If you really care about the other person, in normal situations you won't find yourself forcing yourself to do stuff for them. You'll do it of your own accord and gladly, and their happiness will make you happy. (Obviously this may be different if you're taking care of someone long-term in a situation in which they are dependent on you, such as if they're suffering from an illness, but this is true for normal life.)
- Do different things. Sit around and talk. Lie in bed and talk. Lie in bed and engage in other activities. Watch your favorite TV shows together. Cook together. Go on walks. Play games.
- Make sure that each of you has enough space of their own. Watch your significant other carefully to make sure you aren't smothering them with more of your company than they want. If you want more space to yourself, be honest but do it tactfully. (I'm lucky in this case because the way our work schedules work out, we both get enough space for ourselves and are happy to spend most of the remaining time together.)
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Eccentric Opinion
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NoobX
Undefeatable Hero
Now, this is a paradox...
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posted June 06, 2012 06:38 AM |
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Wow! This is good! It's good that my crush and I are friends (not close friends, but still friends) so I might have a chance. Thanks for the story.
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Ghost said:
Door knob resembles anus tap.
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fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 06, 2012 12:33 PM |
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Quote:
I've got a problem! I... fell in love, but I made a promise that I never would and now I can't tell anyone. What should I do?!
How do you know that it's love?
you could also try to understand what you feel exactly instead of getting away with it by just calling it love.
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NoobX
Undefeatable Hero
Now, this is a paradox...
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posted June 06, 2012 01:15 PM |
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I know it is love. I feel different: I think about her most of the time, I enjoy when she's around me... And more!
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Ghost said:
Door knob resembles anus tap.
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fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 06, 2012 02:03 PM |
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if you think about eating all the time, and you are happy when you eat, is it love?
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