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| Thread: Babies.... |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 4 5 · NEXT» |
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Smithey
Promising
Supreme Hero
Yes im red, choke on it !!!
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posted May 17, 2011 10:24 PM |
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Edited by Smithey at 22:34, 17 May 2011.
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Babies....
Met this baby yesterday this is what I’ve learned
“guys, this will one day be all your fault. Girls, pay close attention because you will learn something really useful”
1.Babies are such attention snows, this however can be easily solved by throwing a pacifier and a rubber duck at the baby (throwing means placing it gently next to the baby)
2.When you first see the baby you might respond in one of the three ways listed here : warm and fuzzy feeling inside, unexplained annoyance inside, or the third one – sexual arousal in which case please leave your full name, location and we will send you the much needed psychological (or was it an assassin) help.
3.You can not have a mature discussion with a baby, their refusal to talk back will get you highly annoyed, eventually you will need to explain why are you yelling and calling the baby (insert political slurs of some sort), the explanation will not sound logical regardless of what you might think.
4.This specific baby was a kinky one (reminded me of Forfy), at one point she tried to grab my pecks and suck on it, obviously I gave her the look - “WTF is wrong with you baby ? Can’t you see I’m a guy ? I don’t have breasts, stop with that you little freak!”
5.Babies are extremely dumb, throwing a ball and saying “fetch baby” will result in a dumb smile on baby’s face and eventually you will be the one who’s doing the fetching….. which is kind of smart if you think of it
6.Baby language is a pretty easy one to learn, it took me 3 hours, it consists of 6 sounds, I shall leave some mystery for you to find out alone
7.When on a stomach, baby will actually think it’s in a pool hence will raise head slightly and try to swim, to further emphasize that it thinks it’s in the water the baby will usually wet its diaper however throwing the baby into a shark infested waters is not a good idea even if it does help prove a point.
8.Babies are virtually blind, you can show baby the middle finger from a distance of one feet and it will not react however if you get a bit closer and do it again , well you’re just an ass, it’s a baby, what’s wrong with you.
9.Babies get startled easily so no classic music around babies, that is just scary.
10.Babies tend to follow slow moving objects with their eyes which means you can hypnotize a baby by bringing your grandma over.
11.Babies get calmed when rocked, and no it doesn’t mean rock music nor throwing a rock at the baby in case you were wondering.
12.The easiest way to predict baby’s sleep pattern is simple – at the exact same moment you have closed your eyes the baby will wake up hence you must find a way to sleep with your eyes open, it’s not that hard, dead people do it all the time.
13.Babies when they want something, they will give you that big eyes cute look and then they will start to cry, crying means they are hungry, cold, warm, wet, afraid, or the most obvious of all simply because they are sadistic little creatures who enjoy watching you squirrel, why do they do that you might ask yourself ? Well it’s a punishment because ladies and gents, you were all babies at one point and you forgot the entire baby language.
14.Babies are rude as well, you can go on reading the most magnificent story ever (something an HC member just wrote in VW) and they will just yawn at you or vomit on you at which stage it is perfectly ok to curse the little ******.
15.Sometimes you won’t be able to comfort or calm your baby down, in this case it is advised to give it some syrup instead of putting the baby inside the microwave.
16.When you have a baby you will find out that you’re spending more time in the hospital than at any other place…. That’s usually because you’re a paranoid idiot.
17.It is advised : not to use the baby as a replacement for football (it doesn’t fly that well), not to forget the baby in a car on a hot summer day (it will jump to the front seat and drive away, good luck on finding a better transportation), not to trade the baby for groceries (after all the groceries you’re buying are for the baby which kind of kills the purpose of trade), not to wear your baby’s diapers no matter how hot you think you look doing so (you are wrong).
18.Finally, wear some protection, babies like nothing more than kicking adults in their nuts.
In conclusion – Babies are awesome, got to get me two or three of those 
19. Babies are the natural birth control (props to the happy skeleton, explains why he's always happy  )
I had to post something in the tavern since I've never visited before and this is a part of an ongoing psychological warfare with one dangerous rogue (you know who you are )
feel free to add numbers in case you have some insight on those little cute guys....
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HappySkeleton
Adventuring Hero
Dead happy
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posted May 17, 2011 10:31 PM |
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Babies are the natural birth control
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meroe
Supreme Hero
Basically Smurfette
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posted May 17, 2011 10:41 PM |
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Rogue's steal babies and sell them in exchange for casino chips and then go and have a good time!!!!!
However, I will admit this is a brilliant thread ... well done Arch Nemesis.
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Meroe is definetely out, sweet
as she sounds sometimes, she'd
definetely castrate you with a
rusted razror and forcefeed
your genitals to you in a
blink of an eye - Kipshasz
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Duke_Falcon
Disgraceful
Supreme Hero
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posted May 17, 2011 10:44 PM |
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Babies?
Awwwwwwww, I want some so badly!
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meroe
Supreme Hero
Basically Smurfette
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posted May 17, 2011 10:48 PM |
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Edited by meroe at 22:49, 17 May 2011.
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WHAT??!!! 
What is it with you guys and babies???? Isn't it bad enough that we have to hear about Smithey and one of his brood!! Yes Smithey, your "I met this baby yesterday" routine doesn't fool me. Yeah right 
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Meroe is definetely out, sweet
as she sounds sometimes, she'd
definetely castrate you with a
rusted razror and forcefeed
your genitals to you in a
blink of an eye - Kipshasz
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selcy
Famous Hero
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posted May 17, 2011 10:50 PM |
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Babies are cute and loving its when they start walking and talking the trouble starts. We spend all that time teaching them to walk and talk and then when they do we say shut up and sit down lol.
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bLiZzArdbOY
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Nerf Herder
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posted May 17, 2011 10:50 PM |
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400 babies
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"Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us."
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Duke_Falcon
Disgraceful
Supreme Hero
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posted May 17, 2011 10:51 PM |
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You know how it's go... You love someone so hard and so deep that you even starting to want children...
Little clones of you
Just imagine a dozen little Meroe around you
Well... That went way tooooooo far...
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Warlord
Famous Hero
Lord of Image Spam
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posted May 17, 2011 10:53 PM |
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Peanut the man. 
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selcy
Famous Hero
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posted May 17, 2011 10:55 PM |
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I saw a tiny baby in town yesterday when I was shopping with my cousin and i'm like I want another one. She just gave me the strangest look lol.
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Smithey
Promising
Supreme Hero
Yes im red, choke on it !!!
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posted May 17, 2011 10:59 PM |
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Hey !!!! I did meet a baby yesterday, when my time comes I hope I won't be one of those fathers who goes to "meet" his baby
BTW nice mental picture - Vegas, casino, playing blackjack for babies instead of chips LOL suddenly the concept of "I raise your bet" got funnier
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meroe
Supreme Hero
Basically Smurfette
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posted May 17, 2011 11:00 PM |
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Quote:
Just imagine a dozen little Meroe around you
Well... That went way tooooooo far...
Indeed, I wouldn't advocate this at all!! I'm sure babies are great for half an hour, but I don't to give birth to one of these things!!!! I mean what do they weigh on average 6lb/9lb ..... I mean WTF!!!!!! Can you survive this!!! Is it humanly possible to live after???? Yikes.
Actually I'm surprised they haven't come up with a cure for this childbirth thing? Like a portable womb or something? We can hang it in a closet or something.
____________
Meroe is definetely out, sweet
as she sounds sometimes, she'd
definetely castrate you with a
rusted razror and forcefeed
your genitals to you in a
blink of an eye - Kipshasz
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Smithey
Promising
Supreme Hero
Yes im red, choke on it !!!
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posted May 17, 2011 11:01 PM |
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Quote:
I saw a tiny baby in town yesterday when I was shopping with my cousin and i'm like I want another one. She just gave me the strangest look lol.
Wait for it, Frisco is not that far away 
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Smithey
Promising
Supreme Hero
Yes im red, choke on it !!!
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posted May 17, 2011 11:03 PM |
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Quote:
Quote:
Just imagine a dozen little Meroe around you
Well... That went way tooooooo far...
Indeed, I wouldn't advocate this at all!! I'm sure babies are great for half an hour, but I don't to give birth to one of these things!!!! I mean what do they weigh on average 6lb/9lb ..... I mean WTF!!!!!! Can you survive this!!! Is it humanly possible to live after???? Yikes.
Actually I'm surprised they haven't come up with a cure for this childbirth thing? Like a portable womb or something? We can hang it in a closet or something.
LOL
btw I never understood the drama, us guys never complain about that stuff
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selcy
Famous Hero
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posted May 17, 2011 11:03 PM |
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haha yes it is my lightest was 5lb 10oz my heaviest was 9lb 4oz lol.
Believe me its hardwork you get sickness, backache, heartburn, sleepless nights even before its born but its worth it when you hold them .
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Duke_Falcon
Disgraceful
Supreme Hero
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posted May 17, 2011 11:03 PM |
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Quote:
Quote:
Just imagine a dozen little Meroe around you
Well... That went way tooooooo far...
Indeed, I wouldn't advocate this at all!! I'm sure babies are great for half an hour, but I don't to give birth to one of these things!!!! I mean what do they weigh on average 6lb/9lb ..... I mean WTF!!!!!! Can you survive this!!! Is it humanly possible to live after???? Yikes.
Actually I'm surprised they haven't come up with a cure for this childbirth thing? Like a portable womb or something? We can hang it in a closet or something.
Actually it is quite possible to grow up a fetus in an artificial womb. Mother is no more a necessary part of the birth cycle. But, as a highly moral question, such methods are forbidden. Possible but strictly forbidden...
But I imagine you choose that way if you ever feel to get a little clone of yourself
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Jabanoss
Promising
Legendary Hero
Property of Nightterror™
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posted May 17, 2011 11:09 PM |
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I would love to have a clone of myself, that would be so awesome. Then that clone could fulfill all the dreams and hopes that I didn't. 
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"You turn me on Jaba"
- Meroe
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Smithey
Promising
Supreme Hero
Yes im red, choke on it !!!
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posted May 17, 2011 11:12 PM |
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Quote:
I would love to have a clone of myself, that would be so awesome. Then that clone could fulfill all the dreams and hopes that I didn't.
First of all forget about the clone and start fulfilling them now second of all clone is good only for one thing - to send him to work instead of you while you have fun
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meroe
Supreme Hero
Basically Smurfette
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posted May 17, 2011 11:12 PM |
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Quote:
btw I never understood the drama, us guys never complain about that stuff
Thats because you don't have to squeeze a watermelon sized THING out of an opening the size of a 10 cent piece!!!! You might think a bit differently if you had to pass this?? Try thinking about that!!
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Meroe is definetely out, sweet
as she sounds sometimes, she'd
definetely castrate you with a
rusted razror and forcefeed
your genitals to you in a
blink of an eye - Kipshasz
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Duke_Falcon
Disgraceful
Supreme Hero
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posted May 17, 2011 11:14 PM |
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You forget something!
A clone isn't instantly mature! It's need time to grow up\educated\etc...
So there are many problems with a clone to.
Easier way than birth a baby and more faster, that's true.
But this is forbidden to...
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