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| Thread: Saving Lord Valeriy |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 4 · «PREV / NEXT» |
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 27, 2014 07:03 PM |
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lol.
*fred eats lexxan for sustenance. and all other "contestants". game over.*
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Lexxan
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
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posted March 27, 2014 07:12 PM |
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you're not funny and you're quite ignorant as well.
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Coincidence? I think not!!!!
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 27, 2014 07:23 PM |
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lol, this coming from the guy who believes "reality" t.v. is real. stay tuned. don't forget to watch. 
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Lexxan
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
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posted March 27, 2014 07:37 PM |
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Don't talk nonsense. I've watched enough rtv to be able the difference between truth and fiction and most of it ain't fiction.
I can write essays on the subject but I don't feel like hijacking this thread.
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Coincidence? I think not!!!!
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 27, 2014 07:39 PM |
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sure, it's nonsense. believe what you want to, i'm not gonna try and stop you. have fun with that. i'm sure you do, anyway. life must be pretty easy on you.
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Lexxan
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Unimpressed by your logic
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posted March 27, 2014 07:45 PM |
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Why do you think I WATCH television? I watch it for entertainment purposes. and yes, it makes me feel better.
Maybe you should work on doing something that makes you feel better too because "morose" and "holier-than-thou" are two not cute moods to swing between.
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Coincidence? I think not!!!!
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 27, 2014 07:47 PM |
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i'm just fine, thanks for asking. 
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Herry
Bad-mannered
Famous Hero
100% Devil
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posted March 27, 2014 07:51 PM |
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NO SPAMMING IN MY THREAD!
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kipshasz
Undefeatable Hero
Elvin's Darkside
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posted March 27, 2014 07:57 PM |
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____________
"Kip is the Gavin McInnes of HC" - Salamandre
"Ashan to the Trashcan", "I got PTSD from H7. " - LizardWarrior
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Neraus
Promising
Legendary Hero
Pain relief cream seller
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posted March 27, 2014 08:05 PM |
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Hey kiddo, your threads don't have some kind of spam protection, while I agree on the fact that they should have this conversation on the wastelands you can't suddenly appear and force them out of your thread.
In my opinion we should mantain a thread topic while we stay in the Tavern.
That said, I've read the story a bit, while I have a critique on the form it's excusable as what I've understood English isn't your primary language (so isn't mine). About the story, I believe it's a little too strange to say the least. The idea of Valeriy trapped and of a team sent to rescue him is actually funny if executed well, that said, sadly I believe the use of an action scene right in the beginning ruined the premise, also fred reading a book about zombies, what are the chances?
So I have to say, try to refine the story, then we can talk about it.
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Noli offendere Patriam Agathae quia ultrix iniuriarum est.
ANTUDO
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 27, 2014 08:09 PM |
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Neraus said:
fred reading a book about zombies, what are the chances?
i don't read books about zombies. but i get your point.
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Herry
Bad-mannered
Famous Hero
100% Devil
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posted March 28, 2014 07:14 AM |
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Edited by Herry at 07:17, 28 Mar 2014.
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here's my point about him reading a book of zombies, and i actually use it as a point to give him the power to summon zombies, you know a zombie would want to know his powers and weakness, and he will discover his power to summon zombies there, and yeah no chance but i haven't got something more solid than that...
i'll take a while before i do a next chapter, since i need to play a bit of COD, maybe i'll do it right now and go back here write the chapter.
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Herry
Bad-mannered
Famous Hero
100% Devil
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posted March 28, 2014 08:28 AM |
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Edited by Herry at 12:11, 02 Apr 2014.
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IMPORTANT, RE-READ, POST UPDATED WITH CHAPTER 2
Ok guys, Herry here again  yeah i know there is no possibility of Fred reading a book about zombies but i have a reason for it, you will see, i don't want to spoil  enjoy surprises.
now since many of you said this lacks BB codes here's a list:
Oh wait almost forgot the BB codes and other ****:
Normal plain old text: Self explanatory.
Blue: it's my reply to your reviews, often on top.
'bla bla bla': Thoughts
>>bla bla bla: notes
"bla bla bla": Speech
"Bla bla bla": : Voice filled with Fear/Anger/Sadness or any other emotion
"flashed / another new action"
mostly bad things to our good characters
"****": vulgar words
*meanwhile at bla bla bla/ in bla bla bla*: Another place, Scene change basically.
"Bold with caps text: Shouts."
That's about all of it, if you have any suggestions post them below.
so before i give ya chapter 2, i have an important note:
i will first give you the raw chapter, plain old text, and after it's finished i'm going to alter it with BB code, it's better quality if you do one thing at a time, why? everybody knows, you can't give focus to 2 things/more at the same time, be it you have 2 or 10 hands, so here you go:
Herry presents: SAVING VALERIY, CHAPTER 2!
oh wait a second, another note: no guns or modern technology stuff, i made this story to be at about the age when the faught with swords and ****, maybe add old fire arms like these from assassin's creed 3?
anyways:
After closing the big entrance, filling the wall with some archers that he luckily found at the local houses, Fred mentally says:
'We're counting on you, Herry, don't kill us.'
****After a brief moment****
Upon seeing the closed entrance, the bandits curse, while shooting arrows that are on fire to the huge door, attempting to burn it, which is what was going to happen, albeit slowly. through that wasn't what was gonna happen, Fred saw a portal apear almost exactly at the place where Herry left, he automatically smiled at the sight, the sight of Herry arriving, with Ohfor, Lexxan, Neraus and Salamandre.
"Have a look, Sal"says the one on the front of the group, Herry.
"Hmm, we need a plan, we don't have time, we need a way to prevent them from attacking us while we plan a Counter-attack."responds Salamandre.
"We could us a bait"Proposes Neraus.
"Or something easier, but hurry, it's not like i could keep a Force Field for long."answers Herry with confidence.
"Nothing shall collide, None can strike, Nothing will touch, Danger is out, Safeness is in, Protect us, Push our enemies, Within this field death is no more, Guard life and protect... FORCE FIELD!" chants Herry.
>>yeah i really liked the idea of having to chant **** to be able to use some techniques.
"Wow, now that's what i call awesome." to the normal eye, nothing happened, but it was certain that a force field surrounded the city.
"Yeah awesome but difficult, if i didn't train so much in this technique i wouldn't be able to make such a wide force field."Answers Herry with a slight hint of tireness in his face.
"So what's the plan?"He asks.
"........While they are busy trying to destroy your "Force Field", we will attack them from behind, giving them no time to react."
Before having the time to speak back, Herry sees the Cannonballs almost reaching the Force field, it's true a human can't destroy it but it isn't invulnerable completely.
"Get in,"Everyone hear's herry speaking while he opened a portal"I'll take care of their ranged attacks, while they focus on me kill them."
he then opens another portal and it closes as quick as it was created when Herry got in.
They do as Herry says...
**** Outside the Force Field ****
Herry gets out of a portal in the sky, he raised his hand, making the Cannonballs stop in their tracks due to his Telekinesis, when he lowered his hand, they returned to where to the cannons, exploding and breaking the machines in contact.
>>how was he able to fly? well i'm not sure if it's in the reach of autokinesis' power but you make invisible small pillars made of energy and stand on them so you like you are floating
Herry then turns his gaze towards the soldiers, he then unsheathed the sword on his back. The sword had a hilt that was like a bone, with a skull by the end of it, otherwise, the blade looked sharp, maybe enough to behead a bear. he then swinged it in the air towards the bandit's direction, making a burst of red energy come out making it's way towards the bandits, which only took 5 seconds, the unlucky masked bandits that were in it's way were hit, making a smoke screen apear.
what surprised the attackers even more was that some of their back-line soldiers were beheaded, when they heard the short screams coming from the soldiers, they turned back, looking at the scene which fueled their rage, everyone immediately unsheathed their weapons, they intend to take revenge for their mates.
>>so that's about it, i think this battle is gonna end next chapter, not sure, but hope you enjoyed this anyways, and sorry for my inferior story telling skills  . opinions and thoughts about this chapter or the story as a whole are appreciated.
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Neraus
Promising
Legendary Hero
Pain relief cream seller
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posted April 02, 2014 08:37 PM |
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Oh, I see I have a place in your story and you didn't pay me the rights to my character! 
Don't worry, I'll let this slide since I'm going open-source.
But now let's get back to business. Aside from the grammar (I understand that english isn't your primary language) the battle seems too one-sided, but as it isn't over yet we'll see how it goes when you write the next chapter.
Well, initially i wasn't that interested, but now I'm kinda intrigued on the direction this is taking.
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Herry
Bad-mannered
Famous Hero
100% Devil
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posted April 06, 2014 12:20 PM |
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well not really, cause there is a surpirse to our heroes, an unpleasant one too... anyhow, here's chapter 2, on a side not i think i'm going to use some characters from this thread, i also wanted to say, thank you for your characters, and don't complain if i use them, as you've read in my thread, Quote:
On a second note, by submitting your character here you agree that you
allow story authors in the Tavern to use your Original Character.
which means that it's your responsibility if you posted and didn't want your character to be used, or you might haven't read that so it's not my fault, if you have any complaints, you can post them in this thread since it has already enough spam as is.
Chapter 2:
Suddenly there was a surprise, an unpleasant one, as our heroes saw even MORE bandits attacking, and what was more of a surprise, they came from the other side of the town, which meant the zombies attacking from the front didn't attack like blind people, but it served as a distraction so they give the others enough time to break through the force field.
"Huh? Where the **** did these ****s come from?" Herry looked a bit farther, he saw some buildings on fire, the gate destroyed, the ground close to being a wasteland, the town became a battlefield and if civilians weren't involved before, they were now.
"Holy ****, they got some backup!", he shouted, he then continued "EVERYONE SEPERATE AND KILL HOWEVER MUCH YOU CAN!" the problem is, they were too busy with their own fights on the other side to hear him, he was.... on his own, as a good as a knight attacked by a legion of peasants, which is quite lethal, like they say, no matter how wimpy the people it consists of, a mob can take you down.
he knew the solution, but it was time he did not have, and the most disasterous thing was that the mods, even if they didn't knew now, they will know of the attack, sooner or later, which might cause what he has tried to hide. he shaked his head to the sides and then he got an idea, since he had telekinesis and he could manipulate more than 1 object at a time, he could simply remotely fight them. he then flashed until he reached the local blacksmith, or the local DESTRUCTED blacksmith, he saw a pack of bandits stealing weapons, and soon killing the workers if he didn't interfere, which was not gonna happen.
he then began to manipulate the weapons, sending any sword, battle axe, war hammer, etc he could see towards the bandits' heads, which successfully worked due to his stealth, pushing the bandits straight to the afterlife, he then look at the scared worker,
"Do not worry, we will stop the invasion, But i'll need to borrow some weapons", he then opened a portal, flashing in while pulling the weapons with him.
**** WITH THE OTHERS ****
"Something is not right, it feels like they got more troops, like, look at how many people we defeated and compare them to the rest."
Says Neraus with worry, he was experienced in battles, and there was a possibility he knew the situation, but he pushed it to the back of his head since he had a battle to take care of.
"Of course it is, what you saw before was not all of the army, but a half of it."Suddenly they hear a familiar, but new voice, Herry.
"They were smart enough to distract us,"He said while throwing an axe at bandit's skull, giving him an instant death and then continued, "They broke the force field from the other side and they were split, a part in the fighting, and a part in the city."he realised that he had to take care of the latter part, "Take these weapons, i'll clean the city." He threw the weapons and gone in a flash.
"I doubt that numbskull will beat them..."Says Fred, somewhat asking other opinions
>> i decided that he called me that cause he did in the wastelands, now we're even.
"He does his part, we do ours."Wisely responds Salamandre.
>>sal is wise, i gave him the smarty pants part .
>>NOTE: chapter unfinished, couldn't finish it now since i had to go.
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Neraus
Promising
Legendary Hero
Pain relief cream seller
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posted April 06, 2014 12:37 PM |
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Ok, I'll wait to give my feedback when you finish the chapter...
Don't worry, I'll let you use my character since as I already stated I was going open-source .
But anyway, I hope it inspired you. Since I'm here remember that I expect quality from your story. Want some recognition as a story-teller? Then put yourself into it.
For now i'll wait the fruits of your work, hoping it will turn out good.
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Noli offendere Patriam Agathae quia ultrix iniuriarum est.
ANTUDO
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted April 08, 2014 06:59 AM |
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Herry
Bad-mannered
Famous Hero
100% Devil
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posted April 09, 2014 08:07 AM |
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my final decision is: no BB code until story is finished. that's all.
and don't "it was a different bla bla bla" me, cause i'm pretty sure a story is a story, BB code or not, i'm not the kind to cheaply but attention using BB code so if you want BB code, wait till the story is finished, that's all i have to say, by the way right now i'm eating a sandwich and i'll come back and finish the chapter when i finish my (not) high crunch sandwich
sorry to fail you but i'm not accepting any more BB code demanding posts, 1 phrase posts at that, which absolutely tells that since you don't give your thoughts, all you sycophants want is BB code, no more, no less. except for neraus, my deepest thanks for being the sole follower of the story, even if it's 1 person, i won't fail you.
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted April 09, 2014 08:23 AM |
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Herry said:
NO SPAMMING IN MY THREAD!
Best post in the thread hands down
Haha sorry, couldn't resist But I'll have to ask you guys to refrain from spamming, herry is trying to do something. Please be more considerate.
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H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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Herry
Bad-mannered
Famous Hero
100% Devil
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posted April 09, 2014 09:03 AM |
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thanks, and here comes the finish of the 3rd chapter:
**** with Herry ****
'Should i really use it?'He asks no-one.
'Even if i should... I shouldn't use it now...'
What was he talking about? none knows, for now.....He was currently flashing throught the city looking for any bandits, and he did not have to wait long, he saw a group of bandits... raping a girl... which boiled his blood, and when Herry's blood gets boiled, people's heads get cut away from their bodies...
>>Theme
he flashed towards a bandit, and as fast he flashed he cut the victim from left shoulder to right hip, granting them an instant death, he then looked at the two angry bandits in front of him, "YOU ARE GOING TO PAY, *****!"they screamed like a wild juggernaut on a human slaughtering rampage.
"I think you are the one that will pay..."he said in a merciless and emotionless tone, he put a bit of energy around his bare hand and used it to pierce the hand right through the first bandit's neck, fresh blood splashing on his face and clothes, the other bandit tried to run in fear, but unluckily Herry wasn't in a good mood which meant that he was going to die, Herry flashed behind his victim and used his sword, namely Rebellion to pierce through the bandits neck from the left to the right side.
**** 20 minutes later ****
"I think they are all dead..." he opened a portal and teleported to the others...
when he arrived, he saw them seriously injured with extremely dangerous wounds....
"So it's no use wondering if i should or not... i'll do it."Herry said mysteriously.
"What are you tal-"Fred was about to ask before his quote was cut by Herry"I'll explain later, for now, go take some rest." he opened a portal and threw everybody in before he himself followed, they found themselves in Herry's home, "Here are bandages and stuff, i trust you can take care of yourselves." He threw a box filled with medicine and bandages before going into the portal.
**** On the other side ****
Using Asterokinesis, Herry summoned some meteorites to take care of the bandits, but they wouldn't reach earth immediately so he had to distract the bandits for a while.
"Time to pay your price."Rebellion's empty holes for eyes on the skull started glowing red mysteriously... it was going to be a rampage....
The fight started, it aparently took 90 seconds for the meteorites to reach them....
Herry stood there, waiting for an attack...
**** A minute and a half later ****
When Herry saw the meteor shower coming he teleported to the city, while the battle ended by the bandits getting defeated....
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