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| Thread: What do movies teach us? |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 · NEXT» |
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Milena
Responsible
Supreme Hero
in supreme disgrace
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posted July 03, 2002 07:02 PM |
bonus applied. |
Edited By: Milena on 3 Jul 2002
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What do movies teach us?
During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.
All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
Most dogs are immortal.
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets which reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition -even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. Even a bad German accent will do.
If your town is threatened by an imminent natural disaster or killer beast, the mayor's first concern will be the tourist trade or his forthcoming art exhibition.
The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.
Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.
Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.
Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
The Chief of Police will always suspend his star detective - or give him 48 hours to finish the job.
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK Stadium.
Medireview peasants had perfect teeth.
Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an object out of our visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost this technology.
Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and pant.
It is not necessary to say hello or goodbye when beginning or ending phone conversations.
Even when driving down a perfectly straight road it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
It is always possible to park directly outside any building you are visiting.
A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.
If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.
Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communication systems of any invading alien civilization (especially a Macintosh snicker, snicker!!).
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
When a person is knocked unconscious by a blow to the head, they will never suffer a concussion or brain damage.
No-one involved in a car chase, hijacking, explosion, volcanic eruption or alien invasion will ever go into shock.
Police Departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds -unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
An electric fence, powerful enough to kill a dinosaur will cause no lasting damage to an eight year old child.
Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at that precise moment you turn the television on.
During every fight there should be a head-butting. The one executing it will not get hurt.
SOME MORE ADDED BY ME:
1. Women always go to sleep with their make-up on. They are madeup even when in hospital, waiting for a heart transplantation
2. There's always the good mentor and our hero always remembers his words to win the battle
3. The bomb never goes off; the red timer mentioned above will freeze at 0.01.
4. In detective movies, the kid is so smart; he always outsmarts the bad, bad criminals
5. In American soap operas, the "dead" characters are never dead
6. In Latin-American soaps there's always that illegitimate child that is looking for her mother and the mother is always there with her, both not knowing who they are, of course.
7. Criminal cases are solves 999 in 1,000. The 1 is in the "true stories like Jack the Ripper"
8. There's always our computer guy who has the most powerful computer, knows everything and penetrates in BFI, NASA, etc. top secret places
9. NOTE: our computer guy never EVER looks at the keyboard while typing and never makes typos.
10. Aliens always look like humans (have limbs, eyes, ears) but unlike them, they are always covered with mucus.
11. You can always hear the breathing of the hero even when in large halls or when not panting. Or under a mask. Or in a scaffander.
12. Our heroes always fall on the soft roof of a grocery's even when falling from the 100th floor. And they are never hurt, of course
I would go on... movies are just so fake sometimes...
EDIT: Jeez, how can I make so many typos? :-(
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Romana
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Thx :D
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posted July 03, 2002 07:09 PM |
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I always like to think movies are an eyeopener for situation we have never experienced ourselves..like for instance the death of a loved on or relationship problems or whatever..
Not saying it compares ..but some movies can give you a clue of how it would be like
Like "What dreams may come" or " Meet Joe Black", "Schindlers list" and some more of that kind..
Those movies had an impact on what I believe ...not much ..but still
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The darkest skies show the brightest stars
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Milena
Responsible
Supreme Hero
in supreme disgrace
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posted July 03, 2002 07:14 PM |
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Hm...
The topic was another and the whole thing was meant as a very funny topic, BUT you can take it this way too.
I personally don't think I'd act as in a movie. Though many accuse me I have some fictional behaviour. ;-)
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bort
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Discarded foreskin of morality
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posted July 03, 2002 07:26 PM |
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in defense of movies
Quote:
All telephone numbers in America begin with the digits 555.
this is to keep people from calling the number. the song 867-5309 caused quite a few problems for people with that number.
Quote:
Most dogs are immortal.
QUIET!!! My dog will never die. Ever.
Quote:
If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a passing St. Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
strangely enough, this is true. Here in the US we have St. Patrick's day parades 24-7-365
Quote:
When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
only if you're really cheap. The bill you give the cabbie will be enough for the fare + tip
Quote:
Interbreeding is genetically possible with any creature from elsewhere in the universe.
Well, I can always hope, can't I?
Quote:
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK Stadium.
ah, no, you've misinterpreted it, it's a single match and a big drum of kerosene
Quote:
Medireview peasants had perfect teeth.
apparently people from earlier times had much better teeth than we normally think. They didn't have refined sugar and gobs of candy and stuff like that.
Quote:
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
my martial arts friends tell me that it's actually very difficult to attack somebody more than two at a time. It can be done, but apparently you really have to know what you're doing for it to be effective and even if you're extraordinarily skilled its apparently virtually impossible to attack somebody with more than 4 people at a time. the best strategy would be to step back a bit and use the shooting end of those guns rather than trying to club the hero(ine) with the stock
Quote:
When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to each other.
well we all know that these other so called "languages" are just nonsense made up to screw with americans. as the texan representative said, "English was good enough for Jesus and it's good enough for me." and people wonder why I think we should give texas back to Mexico...
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Lith-Maethor
Honorable
Legendary Hero
paid in Coin and Cleavage
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posted July 03, 2002 07:31 PM |
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holywood RULZ! ...NOT
most movies are stupid and predictable you only have to watch the first 2 minutes in order to know exactly what happens...
and btw, most doors CAN be opened with an ID card...
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You are suffering from delusions of adequacy.
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HALT
Known Hero
Knight of Justice
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posted July 03, 2002 07:52 PM |
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the only guns that used in the moves by the terrorists are UZ and AKM
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Choose your friends carefully. Your enemies will choose you.
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Sir_Stiven
Honorable
Legendary Hero
banned
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posted July 03, 2002 08:01 PM |
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Conn
Responsible
Famous Hero
God slayer
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posted July 03, 2002 08:38 PM |
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Edited By: Conn on 3 Jul 2002
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Quote:
as the texan representative said, "English was good enough for Jesus and it's good enough for me." and people wonder why I think we should give texas back to Mexico...
You have got to be kidding...He really said that????? ROTFLMAO... )
Edit:
I just remebered...
- When you shoot the main villain,even if you unloaded a full clup of bullets in him, he will still walk a fwew steps before falling down.
Bort, may i ask who was the governor in question? 
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 Whatever does not kill us, only makes us stronger
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AzureMajesty
Promising
Adventuring Hero
Gaea Mother Earth
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posted July 03, 2002 09:03 PM |
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Further things that movies teach us:
Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people... whether they are employed or not.
At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.
Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.
When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
Radiation causes interesting mutations, not to your future children, but to you - right then and there - or, over a period of time until you finally go crazy and kill people.
If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission, or anything else, at the age of 22.
Honest and hard-working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.
Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their arch enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly asses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, all of which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.
Once applied, makeup never rubs off - even while scuba diving or after fighting alien monsters. But only if you are beautiful. If you are overweight, your mascara will run and your lipstick will smear.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
If someone says, "I'll be right back", they won't.
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bort
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Discarded foreskin of morality
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posted July 03, 2002 09:10 PM |
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Quote:
Quote:
as the texan representative said, "English was good enough for Jesus and it's good enough for me." and people wonder why I think we should give texas back to Mexico...
You have got to be kidding...He really said that????? ROTFLMAO...)
Bort, may i ask who was the governor in question?
I have to admit this is a "heard it from a guy I know" story, but this guy tends to be pretty credible. It wasn't a governor (strange, were you assuming it was one particular governor...) it was a guy in the state house of representatives. It was either in reference to an attempt to make English the official language (contrary to popular belief, the US does not have an official language) or in reference to bilingual education, I don't know which.
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Conn
Responsible
Famous Hero
God slayer
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posted July 03, 2002 09:13 PM |
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Thanxs...Yeah, you're right, i was thinking about a certain governor...No ofence to you, or any other american, but every time i see that guy, i wonder if he hasn't forgetten how to breathe...It's still funny..very funny...
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Whatever does not kill us, only makes us stronger
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Oldtimer
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Please leave a message after..
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posted July 03, 2002 11:12 PM |
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Movies Teach us an important lesson, the world is only populated by hot chicks. The female of the species come into being when they are 18 and never age past 26. In some rare instances a MOM may be introduced but she is going to be a MILF.
All professional women ie. scientists, doctors, cops wear thong underwear and can't wait to have sex, even at their workplace.
No matter how old or ugly a guy is there is a hot rich girl wanting to take him to bed.(Well maybe that is true)
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<PLEASE DO NOT WAKE THE OLD MAN!>
"Zzzz...Zzzz...Zzzz..."
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted July 03, 2002 11:21 PM |
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Dont you just love how fake hollewood is 
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Dreaming of a Better World
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Nebuka
Promising
Supreme Hero
Save me Jebus!
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posted July 04, 2002 01:09 AM |
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Names Oldtimer! I want names...
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arachnid
Promising
Famous Hero
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posted July 04, 2002 01:25 AM |
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The only thing movies really tell us is "the book is better"
Ive seen a couple of thread like this ages ago, thinking back it had something like when the good guys hiding and the bad guys standing talking, then he bumps into a garbage can and the bad guys like what was that? then a cat conviently jumps out so they dont search the area. Did shae not write something like this?
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Sir_Elric
Responsible
Famous Hero
Having a bad hair day.
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posted July 04, 2002 04:51 AM |
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My favorite:
In any horror movie where there is an axe wielding maniac running around doing his thing they always do the "Scooby Doo" approach and split up!!
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Neverwinter Nights - "City of Melnibone"
Direct connect - ausnwn2.dyndns.org:5121
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bort
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Discarded foreskin of morality
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posted July 04, 2002 05:17 PM |
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Quote:
Thanxs...Yeah, you're right, i was thinking about a certain governor...No ofence to you, or any other american, but every time i see that guy, i wonder if he hasn't forgetten how to breathe...It's still funny..very funny...
Why should we be offended? We didn't elect him... As the bumper sticker says "Don't blame the voters, we elected Gore"
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted December 10, 2003 03:42 AM |
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Here's another thing movies teach us. When bad guys nearly kill the good guys and leave them for dead, they are always killed ny the good guy that they left.
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Eccentric Opinion
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consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted December 10, 2003 07:35 AM |
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It's for real
Well I'm from Texas and they do say that in the movies and in real life.I live in Oregon now and I'm not going back ever.
Movies teach us what we came to know.We saw the commercial or heard about the flick and decided for one reason or another that we'd like to see it.I personally enjoy movies about real-life honor.I play Heroes and love to pretend being a hero leading my hometown to victory against the evil invaders but fiction gets old fast.I read about passengers on Flt 91 that came together united against the terrorists and fought back to regain control of the plane and that stays with me.I know true Heros do exist.People like Todd Beamer and hundreds of others on 9/11 remind me that I could be a hero too if I have the courage.Perhaps they'll make a movie about what happened.It won't bother me because I know the truth and so does the rest of America.We all know that hollywood film-makers mold the scripts to the way they see fit.It's not a lie or an attack on what we hold dear to our hearts.It's entertainment.
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Roses Are Red And So Am I
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Delfontes
Known Hero
Sorcerer Extraordinaire
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posted December 10, 2003 05:17 PM |
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Well, I can't help looking up answers....
http://www.wisdomquotes.com/cat_texas.html
Half-way down:
Quote:
If the King's English was good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for me!
Governor of Texas (circa 1920)
There is a bit of a problem, mainly that it doesn't mention exactly "WHAT" governor... you'd think they would know who he was in 1920.
It could be a popular myth, but it is definitely a great quote .
P.S. To the poster above, please familiarize yourself with the space key, it is good to use at the start of a sentence. Also, the enter key is a great way to separate statements into something more readable.
Edit: To add that further searching (busy day at work) has turned up quite a few references to this quote. Some mention a Congressman, one attributes it to Sonny Bono. Not one of them site a specific speech, and the vast majority of speeches for the past 100 years have been documented in some way.
I'm now going to have to call this an Urban Legend, unless someone finds proof otherwise... no one said that other than as a joke.
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