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Lady_Milena
Honorable
Known Hero
Grannie Sweet Cheeks
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posted December 27, 2004 12:22 AM |
bonus applied. |
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Since the talk has been about me and I missed it
It's right for me to come and state my defense on the issue.
As a person I'm known to talk too much and often say too much. I do not mean my online persona but the Mun, the RL self behind this poster's name. I am notorious for my big mouth and for being way too outspoken for my own good and for the good of people around me. As for who I am online - you can only judge me by what I say and the mostly by the way that I say it. You don't truly care if I'm a pretty girl or not because you can't see me, you can't touch me. I'm a mind that expresses herself through typing. Milena, the 22-year-old Bulgarian can let you know about her personality just as much as you want to know and as much as you can see. There are only very few people in this Community who are aware of what I look like IRL per say. I do not show my pictures anywhere any more - not unless we've met person to person - because I insist on being judged by my mind rather than looks which matter not online.
For those who do not know it, don't remember it or have the wrong information, I'm a very old poster. Not as old as Shae Trielle, Preserver or RMS (or is it only me who remembers these great people?) but I call still recall the day of my joining this community three years ago and the rush that followed afterwards. I talked a lot, I said a lot, I talked too much, I said too much. For nearly a year HC was my home because here my heart belonged and as normal people would go to a pub to meet friends and chat, so did I come here every night to talk to those who I cared for. Time has passed since then but few activities online have given me more joy than Oldtimer's Naked thread or Hexa's Truth game.
I made online striptease, heroes tests, I approved, criticized, got married and I myself wed another couple here. I believe I made it to Supreme hero and topped the ranks of the jolly spammers together with AndiAngelSlayer, Hamsi, Woockie and RMS. For a time it was all indeed that, jolly and merry. However, when tossing/spamming became a way of -being- in HC, I knew I could not get a part of it any more. Too much was being spoken and too little was said.
As for me, things went down on a very personal level. As all of you know, after Lith and I met we both realized how impossible our relationship was. I have to emphasize here - for the busybodies - that it had nothing to do with Lith and I not liking each other. Let's face it. Long-distance relationships do not work, not when people are young. Lith was a moderation at the time and it was becoming increasingly hard for me to be around and keep my sanity. Pair it with the never-ending rambles that Matty and Wesley gave and aaaaaaall the word games stuck in the Tavern of the Rising sun.
You know the truth? Little by little I was beginning to grow. Little by little talking about Heroes became out of fashion because nearly all that could be said had been said already. I'm bored to tears to talk and aggravated to death to listen to childish quarrels and petty nagging. I got tired of saying the same things to different posters day after day. Names stopped mattering, only repeating the same pattern did. Little by little being the top poster in HC stopped mattering so much. I was not enjoying myself any more. I talk too much, I said too little.
It's been a tightly guarded secret why Milena was abandonded as a profile. It's been a while so I can tell you now. I don't have the password. I don't have it because Lith has it (unless he's forgotten it). I needed to break my addiction to this wonderful place and by visiting it rarely I managed to free myself from this bondage.
Years passed and as I grew, so did the HC. New people came and old people left. I never see Shae Trielle any more, though I remember her with such fondness. Rogue, RMS, Anglspit, Preserver, Craig Hack, all of them are names that mean so much to me and maybe they mean something to the other posters, to the older posters, who were in touch with them and got to know them. Khaelo, PM, Consis came to replace them.
HC is not the same. When I came it was not only when my heart belonged, my home but the 'home' of many others too. Most of them are long gone but but let's face it ... so am I. I'm not the flamboyant, hyper vibrant, speak-first-explain-later little girl. I'm realized my worth and I've also grown too cynical for my own good. Milena, the previous profile... it's not only a profile but a completely different person from what I am now. She will always be in the back of my mind because I remember my first days in the HC as my best days and those I could never ever forget.
With my personality, so have my agendas changed, with them my posting style. Right when I made my first comeback I declared myself an emeny of all I believed spam. I decided that I've had enough of speaking too much and saying too little. How about I tried to speak little and say much? It was a completely new approach for the new beginning I believed I had my right to have after a year of exile.
My priorities had also changed. I no longer posted in the Tavern for once because I believed that I had said almost anything that I could say there. Instead I concentrated on the Monitor, a forum I believed more challenging. By priorities I also mean what HC meant for me. It's still a great place to be and still wonderful people to meet here - some old, some new, always go for the best of all times. However, now I concentrate more on my writing (as some of you know I write novellas these days) and on my gaming. I think it's a wise choice. I come every now and then around to see how things are going and to give a hug to all who I dearly miss. Hexa and Romy, that includes you too.
So far I've always felt quite welcome. How did I know that? By all the kind IMs that people send me when I pop online. (If you look at my profile, it says "Lurker" as occupation and I really mean it.) People often reply to my posts and every now and then I get a QP for my input. That's how I know that I've been missed and the fact that I always come back should make you consider why I do it. "I miss you" is somewhere among those lines of "I speak little, I say much".
Despite the (as I come to see!) belief that I post only to get a QP, I see it in the different way. People have had SO much of my ramblings, that I'd rather spare them unless I want to say something meaningful. I could toss in the Volcanic wastelands but hey... the name says it. Waste-lands. I'm the master of my time and I can probably use it for something better.
QPs are not a measure of how much a certain Admin or Mod likes you. It's more like recognition that you are read, understood and appreciated. It's that very thing I care for, both as a writer and a minister-wannabe. I lurk and I watch and I throw in my input when I find it fit, yet I don't stick around for too long to be bound to the red stars. I'm only part time here to become again obsessed with my statistics.
I love it when I get replies, comments and IM after what I've said. I do it because I'm vain and also quite sensitive. This is how I know that I've spent my time for writing 20 spam posts writing one that has a meaning to me and the rest. I love it when I get QPs too. Not because having twice as many red stars as yellow stars is fun but because I feel *respected*. This is how I feel a responsible hero.
And because my post is getting too long, Consis, this part is especially for you. To go back to my agendas, I only post if I believe it's worth the time and as you have said, straight from the heart WHEN an issue touches my heart. I do it in the way that I can because I'm not flawless, neither do I want to be. I indeed like it when people read my long posts while (I do admit it), I often don't read everyone else's. There are two reasons for it. First, while I make one long post every 10 days, people tend to post one like that per day and I honestly don't have the time or patience to read everything even if I want to, unless the topic is of particular interest to me.
In all fair I have important things to do as I have a handful in my life. Honestly, if you know more about the real person, not the Lady_Milena but Milena, you might be also inclined to think differently of me. This is partly my fault because I offer to throw inputs only when it suits me and while some draw conclusions what mind and personality I got, it's often not enough. I have to assure you that I have a very hard life that's only getting harder and I'm only too glad that I have the financial resources and the time for Internet. As a way to make up for it, I offer you my online diary. Maybe afterwards you will have a better understand of me and why in HC I behave in the way that I do.
I apologize for spoiling debates. I throw in my pieces exactly because of said QPs. They were given to me and have made me think that people enjoy my inputs. I choose to post something I'm deadly sure no one else has mentioned before. I do it because I have no time or means to particupate in the big thing. I try to speak little and say much.
But as I see this huge post... and I think... have I spoken too much and said too little again....
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God does not need exist to save us...
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted December 27, 2004 07:38 AM |
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How utterly interesting but with some meaning that people on here shoul think about.
How totally outspoken indeed 
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Dreaming of a Better World
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted December 27, 2004 09:12 AM |
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Edited By: Consis on 27 Dec 2004
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Lady_Milena
First and most importantly, you must understand that I've read every single word of every post you've made since I became a member of Heroes Community on December 3rd, 2003. I admit, I thought your approach may have seemd a bit 'preachy' but in all fairness, I'm sure I appear the same to you. I want you to know that I am sympathetic to your person. I am not empathetic because I am not you, have never spoken with you on the phone, nor even been to where you are. I could never feel what you feel but I am deeply moved by your own individuality. If you work as hard as you say then I am not only moved but also akin to the sort of honor that comes from the sweat off your back. It's my own true test, if you will, of who a person really is. I applaud your hard work in your real life and I also accept your so-called self-proclaimed 'ramblings' as heart-felt honest recollections. I do not now see you as I had before. You see, I too work very hard as do many other members here. And when life has gotten to be the burden that it can be both they and I, and now you too, can come here to write all about it. And I assure you that I'll read every word.
It's a sad and lonely existence to have your only means of adult communication with a damn toaster oven(computer screen) if you know what I mean. We all have our own real lives to tend to. I've a great deal of responsibilities as I'm sure you do as well. But please, don't be shy when posting your thoughts here. Perhaps the generally youthful audience may not be so inclined(i.e. have the patience) to read such wordy(or verbose as Peacemaker once told me) posts. But I'll tell you this, you can be certain that I'll read it all, every word, digest its content, and probably enjoy every minute.
You, and only you, may call me Jake(that is my real name). I apologize for my attacks. Please forgive me. And remember, the words you write will not go unread as long as I'm around. You are obviously a person of great worth and talent, and I for one should not like to miss out on the opportunity to gain personal growth from such a quality poster.
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Roses Are Red And So Am I
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Lady_Milena
Honorable
Known Hero
Grannie Sweet Cheeks
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posted December 27, 2004 09:05 PM |
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I moved
A friend of mine who I very deeply respect has a saying "Flattery can get you anywhere' and the effect is in motion, hehe.
Jake, never mind me, I'm preachy because, as I have said several times, it's a calling in life. ;-) It's a part of being a holier-than-thou ***hole and as it seems to me being way too self-condifent is the major source of said attitude. Long live modesty!
I post when I can. Last thing you could say is that I'm a shy person. Heh, you say you would read all my posts and at the current rate that's highly possible but if I THE posts twice a day it might as well change. There is a very delicate line between being original and tedious.
Of course I was going to roll up the sleeves and spoil everything by just -talking talking talking- but let's keep it like this. Mutual apologies are accepted, we know each other much better and we're able to move on. What could be better?
BTW, I'd like to apologize for the TONS of grammar/spelling errors in my previous post. I really exceeded myself.
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God does not need exist to save us...
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted December 28, 2004 03:15 AM |
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Ok
Sounds good.
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Roses Are RedAnd So Am I
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Valeriy
Mage of the Land
Naughty, Naughty Valeriy
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posted December 30, 2004 08:34 PM |
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QP Applied. Feel free to accuse me of favouritism, but if that isn't a QP post, something is wrong with my perception.
EDIT: QP also applied to bort on page 1 of this thread. Intention is not to indicate agreement but to reward a thoughtful and reasoned contribution.
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You can wait for others to do it, but if they don't know how, you'll wait forever.
Be an example of what you want to see on HC and in the world.
http://www.heroesofmightandmagic.com
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TheRealDeal
Promising
Supreme Hero
Foobum* of Justice!
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posted December 30, 2004 09:01 PM |
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Quote:
I made online striptease
I believe the court wants evidence!
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*We all know the that Foobum is the class of all that is Cake.
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Lady_Milena
Honorable
Known Hero
Grannie Sweet Cheeks
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posted December 30, 2004 10:45 PM |
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*blushes*
I'm flattered that despite the whole big deal I was voted credit yet again. Accuse me of favoritism but *plants a kiss on Consis' and Val's cheeks, respectively* One is a make-it-up sweet kiss, the other thank-you-cool kiss. Hehe.
And yeah, if you'd like to go through the striptease, be my guests. I have to admit it was a while ago and if you'd like some really spicy ideas, read the previous pages. Special love goes to Shae Trielle who's gone from my sight but not from my heart.
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God does not need exist to save us...
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted December 31, 2004 06:00 AM |
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Glad yalls getting along & see how easy it is to just talk about it then to blow up on everyone & just throw out all the anger  & accusations
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Dreaming of a Better World
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Defreni
Promising
Famous Hero
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posted January 14, 2005 11:08 AM |
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Well Milenna to put your mind to rest....
Your not the only one who remembers Shae_Trielle with fondness. Probably the only one on HC I have ever PMed with wich I hadnt played a game of heroes with. Probably because wqhen she joined TOH I was an ole time vet, and she said she didnt want to waste my time. More likely is the fact that Australia and Denmark aint exactly in the neighbourhood of one another
Regards
Defreni
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TheRealDeal
Promising
Supreme Hero
Foobum* of Justice!
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posted January 23, 2005 07:02 PM |
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Nice..
Nice to see i'm not the only danish person here.
Twas rather nice reading the striptease post, but i was confused at first as i glanced after a "Lady_Milena" post, but when i noticed the red star was given to "Milena", something happened inside my head, and the information came to me 
Good post.
And i have a question for the Mods. Do you read ALL of the posts here in other side? I mean some of them a lenghty, and you can't find everything interesting, can't it be a real bore?
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*We all know the that Foobum is the class of all that is Cake.
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pandora
Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
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posted January 24, 2005 04:10 PM |
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Obviously we aren't going to have a keen interest in every topic discussed here, so sometimes reading the long ones can be a little dry 
However, I feel that by reading a person's thoughts on a lot of different topics helps you to understand where a person is coming from in their posts - and I rather enjoy that!
I'll admit to sometimes skimming the really long copy/pastes - but generally I end up having to go back and re-read it anyways bacause without absorbing it all the following replies make no sense
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"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
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Wolfman
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Insomniac
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posted February 14, 2005 11:23 PM |
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Why do the new moderators for the Other Side keep letting the stickies slip to page 2? You guys are slackin'.
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Wolfman
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Insomniac
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posted February 17, 2005 03:13 AM |
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Also nice to see that the new moderators for the Other Side read it so often.
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pandora
Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
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posted February 17, 2005 04:04 AM |
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And just as nice to see that former moderators haven't lost their flair for sarcasm.
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"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
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Asmodean
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Heroine at the weekend.
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posted February 17, 2005 05:55 PM |
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Leo_Lion
Honorable
Supreme Hero
The 5th Element & 6th Sense!
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posted February 25, 2005 07:07 AM |
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"Stick this"!
Can someone make the RL Photos of HC members Thread sticky? I find it weird that the "Guide to RL Photos" is sticky, but the actual RL Photos Thread is not...right?! There's just something not too kosher about that sort of thing, oy!
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*The end to no beginning...
*Take care, Leo
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Asmodean
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Heroine at the weekend.
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posted February 25, 2005 07:41 AM |
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Well let's see what other members say before action is taken.
However I can give you the reason why the Index is sticky but the thread isn't.
The index is useful if you're looking for a particular member, whereas the thread doesn't get a new post as often as others.
And really all it takes is one or 2 extra clicks to get to the thread whether it's on page 2 or 200.
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To err is human, to arr is pirate.
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Peacemaker
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Peacemaker = double entendre
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posted February 25, 2005 08:08 PM |
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Svarog
Honorable
Supreme Hero
statue-loving necrophiliac
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posted February 25, 2005 08:21 PM |
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When it sticks at the top.
U can have a link on the first page of the RL index leading to the actual RL pics thread, so its not needed to crowd the space up there, i think.
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The meek shall inherit the earth, but NOT its mineral rights.
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