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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 25, 2010 04:06 AM |
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Fauch, you have a very different definition of ego. Actually, according to Freud, that's called the "superego". 
But I disagree about morals. While children are born knowing them to a certain extent, they definitely don't know how to apply them, and of course they're also born irrational and have to be taught how to reason.
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Eccentric Opinion
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JollyJoker
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 25, 2010 08:15 AM |
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Quote:
To be honest, the period is unspecified. The subconscious feeling of having lower worth is there until the person "grows up", which differs from person to person. You are still pretty safe when you say that many tweens still have a feeling of lower worth or aren't confident in themselves. Though, I described the vision of a very small infant concerning adults and many can't remember that, but a child knows its dependant on its parents for nourishment and other things, which makes the child a tad submissive and that feeling suually lingers. Most children will do what they can to feel accepted by their parents, other children will do what they can to be noticed by them, wich is a form of acceptance.
Do you follow a bit?
A child needs to be accepted in one way or another as a social animal.
I don't know where you got that atuff, but bor all I read about that and learned about it, this is completely, fatally and tragically wrong. "Worth" is NOT a concept a baby or toddler has. "Dependency" is the same. I baby that cries does NOT make the conclusion that it is dependant; it concludes that it gets the things it wants by crying. LATER ON - when it is not COMPLETELY dependent anymore - the child learns, that it IS dependant; that the aim is to become independent; that dependency has certain consequences and so on. It is NOT hard-wired.
HOWEVER: AFFECTION is something, that completely and totally has NOTHING to do with the level of dependency or dependency in general! AFFECTION is the important thing a child should receive, so that it can GIVE affection later on. However, affection has NOTHING to do with acknowledgement and social acceptance. Nothing at all.
Many, if not all, problems come from mistaking one for the other and making wrong links and connections.
What you need is AFFECTION. This is something you get WITHOUT in any way earning it: because YOU are YOU, because you ARE what you ARE.
Acknowledgement and social acceptance is something you have to EARN!!! (see the difference?) That's why behaving like people expect you to (even though it's not your true self) somewhat cheating.
However, if you are a person with a healthy amount of self-esteem, acknowledgement and acceptance as such become worthless - it is important WHO acknowledges and accepts and because of what.
In fact, it becomes more important that YOU acknowldges and accepts YOURSELF.
Self-esteem, is what it amounts to, and self-esteem is the result of BEING LOVED AS A BEING (when you are a child), not because you make mummy proud, are good at school, impress the neighbours with your violin play or are "a good boy".
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Everything is determined, because your free will is determined as well.
That is mixing up the levels. It's more like CHANCE. In the big picture, throwing a coin you will get 50% heads and 50% tails - that is determined for an INFINITE number of throws; however a single throw can be both and is completely random. Free will, likewise, isn't determined - it's the general rule and on another level than actually making free decisions.
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Yes, our inner adult can acquire other values and reason them to be necessary and he can also discard the values he has reasoned to be unnecessary. in fact, thi is usually very important in order to grow up, but the values that have been given to us by our parents in the time between birth and our fifth round around the sun are immovible. they are deeply rooted and only the inner adult can deal with them.
This is all according to my little manual, FYI.
Exactly. So where is the HARD-wired stuff?
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted March 25, 2010 08:24 AM |
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What has this got to do with love?
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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JollyJoker
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 25, 2010 09:08 AM |
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Quote:
What has this got to do with love?
AFFECTION is just another word for it. Acknowledgement nd social acceptance are not, which is the point here: it doesn't do to mistake one for the other or substitute one or the other.
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted March 25, 2010 12:56 PM |
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Edited by Fauch at 12:59, 25 Mar 2010.
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actually it covers a bigger part of love than just relationships between a man and a woman.
and yeah, affection for a baby is important, if you act like a tyrant with him, he may become a tyrant too.
actually, it seems many parents expect their children to do what they weren't able to do, or they want their children to do better than them, which is not a very good idea.
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madshj
Famous Hero
Minotaur Lord
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posted March 25, 2010 02:03 PM |
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Fellow boardmembers, I'm having a heartache right now. Why? Because I thought that a girl that loved me, dumped me yesterday evening.
She was the girlfriend of one of my good friends.. or rather former good friends.. Her and I had been writing for really long, she was sweet, and funny, and I slowly started to get feelings for her, even though that'd be wrong since she had a boyfriend at the time.
She told me one day, however, that.. She had feelings for me too, but since she had a boyfriend, it wouldn't get to anything.
Then it happened. Last weekend, her ex wrote to her, on her phone, telling her that they needed to talk. She called him, and he admitted that he did not have anymore feelings for her.
That of course lead to her being very sad about it and stuff, and I eventually helped her through that. Even got a message saying she wasn't THAT sad about being broken up with, because.. She had me.
So tuesday this week, we decided to go on, well, a date. We met up in the city, just having fun, talking, then she stops, saying: I promised you this; And kisses me, where we stand and kiss for some minutes.
Now.. The day went on, we ate at Mc Donalds(After her request) and kissed also there, then went to the mall, and at last to the cinema.
Under the movie, we kissed like 2/3 of the movie, and she said stuff like: Don't ever let go of me. or.. I love you so damn much.
Kissed much afterwards also.
The evening ended..
She had to meet up with her exboyfriend, to like talk about why he broke up with her and stuff, since they had only been talking on the phone.
Then yesterday evening she texted me: Get on, we need to talk.
I suspected what was now going to happen...
And I was right.
She asked if we could just be friends, because her heart was still her exboyfriends. She realised how much she missed him. And that she loves him.
So my friends.. What is love? What is real love? And when does one know when they've found the right girl? One that's not going to screw you around?
Any cheering words would be worth much at the moment :i xD
Sincerely
- Mads
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted March 25, 2010 02:07 PM |
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Well the exact same happened with me, my then-gf was talking to me online and then got onto the conversation and yeah, she still had feelings for her ex. Oh well.
Sorry to hear it happened to you too.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted March 25, 2010 02:26 PM |
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Mads, is she your age?
That's quite normal for 15yo girls, you know..  Their feelings change with the flow. (of course, to avoid generalizations, it would be nice to add that not all are like that... This case however seems to be the "typical".)
Nothing to worry about, although I understand this must feel bad  She probably likes you a lot and wanted to give it a try after being dumped, but she didn't feel exactly what she wanted, thus the reaction. I suggest to smile more, be happy that you spent a nice day with a girl and move forward, as there are undoubtedly other girls waiting for you.
Cheers.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted April 01, 2010 08:37 AM |
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Update: A victory for pillar theory, with another one potentially on the way. Not for me. But among my friends a devoted and loving couple has formed (and I observed it form), and it was classic pillar theory stuff. And another one is forming.
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Eccentric Opinion
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted April 01, 2010 10:31 AM |
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YAY FOR PILLAR THEORY!!!
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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Corribus
Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
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posted April 01, 2010 03:19 PM |
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Quote:
Update: A victory for pillar theory, with another one potentially on the way. Not for me. But among my friends a devoted and loving couple has formed (and I observed it form), and it was classic pillar theory stuff. And another one is forming.
One point does not a theory prove.
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I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later. -Mitch Hedberg
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted April 01, 2010 05:10 PM |
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True, however these are not the first points. Moreover I have an explanation for the phenomenon, and it's a predictive model.
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Eccentric Opinion
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emilsn
Legendary Hero
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posted April 11, 2010 12:03 PM |
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Hey MM - How are you doing? Give an Update, this is your thread after all
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Don't walk behind me; I may not
lead. Don't walk in front of me;
I may not follow. Just walk
beside me and be my friend.
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wog_edn
Promising
The Nothingness
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posted April 19, 2010 12:41 AM |
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So I've been with my girl a year today .. yeyy!
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ohforfsake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted April 19, 2010 08:36 AM |
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And she's aware that you're in fact not billy idol, right?
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Living time backwards
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted April 19, 2010 08:37 AM |
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Quote:
So I've been with my girl
Yes, but does she know it? 
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Eccentric Opinion
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Mytical
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Chaos seeking Harmony
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posted April 19, 2010 08:51 AM |
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Madshj, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you were in what is commonly called a Rebound relationship. Which is tenious under the best circumstances. If they break up again, watch for her to try to get back with you..be aware that it will probably (again) be temporary. Which is great for her, as she has somebody to fill the void left by her other relationship..but not so healthy for you.
Although..some guys are ok with this..and call it 'hooking up', 'booty call' or other not so pleasant terms. You have to decide if you want to be pining by the phone (or whatever) waiting for her, or getting on with your life. Have confidence in yourself, and go out and find somebody who wants you for more then a placeholder.
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Message received.
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wog_edn
Promising
The Nothingness
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posted May 12, 2010 06:28 PM |
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I have this feeling I might become single sometime pretty soon ... hm.
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted May 12, 2010 06:29 PM |
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Why, what's going on mate?
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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wog_edn
Promising
The Nothingness
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posted May 12, 2010 06:35 PM |
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Too complicated to write down main reason is that I am starting to grow up (mentally I guess), if I want to be in a relationship with a girl I want someone that wants the same things as me. +we have like no common interests, almost the only things we've done so far is tv, games, a few walks .. and tons of alternative physical activities. I want to have more variation (less tv and games, not less sex and stuff.. she's perfect at that point), while she don't want any different. She's simply .. lazy.
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