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DagothGares
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
No gods or kings
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posted May 13, 2010 01:20 PM |
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Joonas still has a point, though.
You don't fight much for something you claim you feel incomplete without.
Just saying!
Also, love is a random misfiring of chemicals in your brains. Solutions are ice pick and/ or electroshock therapy. 
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If you have any more questions, go to Dagoth Cares.
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted May 13, 2010 01:34 PM |
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It is a little problem, you, however, make it much bigger than it really is and MAKE it a bigger problem.
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted May 13, 2010 02:04 PM |
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If feeling awkward around someone you're in relationship with after 3 months is a little problem then... pass me an ice pick.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted May 13, 2010 02:12 PM |
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Edited by william at 14:12, 13 May 2010.
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Because of not being able to have that silence? Yeah okay mate. lolll
Every good relationship you should be able to just not talk and have that silence. If you feel awkward with that then it's a problem with YOU.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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wog_edn
Promising
The Nothingness
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posted May 13, 2010 02:12 PM |
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Then she ain't the right, that's for sure ... I haven't felt awkward around my girl ever, first time we met talking happened by itself. That's how it's supposed to be, if conversation is forced it isn't worth it.
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted May 13, 2010 02:24 PM |
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Quote:
Then she ain't the right, that's for sure ... I haven't felt awkward around my girl ever, first time we met talking happened by itself. That's how it's supposed to be, if conversation is forced it isn't worth it.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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wog_edn
Promising
The Nothingness
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posted May 13, 2010 02:33 PM |
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I am with Doomforge on this one, keep looking and good luck!
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted May 13, 2010 06:29 PM |
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well, being unable to communicate in a relationship seems quite a big problem for me.
and if ever you disagree over something, how are you able to solve the problem without discussing?
I guess even a trivial problem could break a couple
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted May 13, 2010 10:58 PM |
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Ugh.
We decided to give ourselves a chance... talk more, understand each other.
It's madness, but I would feel a bit empty this time if I just dumped her.
It's a bit different this time.
So, cross your fingers. Maybe it can work anyway.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted May 13, 2010 10:59 PM |
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Good stuff. You should definitely try to stick with this one considering it has seemed to work a lot better than a lot of your past experiences.
____________
~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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Badasti
Hired Hero
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posted May 17, 2010 02:15 PM |
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Edited by Badasti at 14:25, 17 May 2010.
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Edit: I appologise in advance for the wall of text. It's just hard to understand without knowing certain elements to the story. If I had to explain everything it would have probably been 5 times bigger than this 
Quote:
How sad! What happened? [Dunno if the answer should be in here though].
So in response to Ohforf here we go...
It's a really long story so I'll just give you the broken down version.
Basicly we have known eachother for over 4 years, we got into a relationship a year and a half ago. In the beginning things were great, as her parents got more comfortable they gave us more and more s##t. It never mattered how much we played by the rules it was never enough. Without going into the minor details it really put my back up. Anyways on our 1 year anniversary she moved in with me and much to our suprise (and gratitude) her parents stopped giving us trouble.
However her sisters were a chip off the old block it seems. Sister 'A' I helped get over a bad break up before my fiance and I got together. I also renovated her entire lounge over the course of a few weekends. However she jumped into a new relationship with a bit of a retard. Nice guy but one minute he was hot, next minute he was cold. There after she went on a spree of 'marking her territory' which caused further frustration and akwardness. After we moved out she said she missed the friendship and felt left out etc. So I told her there were some unresolved issues and I proceeded to lay it all in the open. I took care not to get personal but just explain how I took things and how it caused friction. Anyhow she turned everything around and threw it back in my face with pretty pathetic reasoning. She also got personal and insulting. For the sake of peace I just said maybe we should just beg to differ and put it past us. I'm not good at forgetting though.
Sister 'B' got pregnant with a guy after 2 weeks of dating. Thereafter her and her husband didn't work for the following 3 years and sponged off their respective parents. However her husband despite being a compulsive liar and snake in the grass, was my best friend since going back to 1996. At certain points in their relationship he got into trouble with the local mafia and went into hiding, I helped sister 'B' sell things to pay off the debt. A while later they also needed to move house and he was nowhere to be found. His parents didn't even know what he was up to so I borrowed a van and a trailer and moved her entire house for her. Which they were greatful for and I didn't mind doing it. Anyhow there's also many more minor stories to this but this is just to give the basic background.
After moving out we visited sister B once every 2 weeks, sometimes on a weekly basis. Something small turned into something stupid. She phoned at 5am the one morning to ask my fiance about getting her something from work. She appologised to my fiance for a call at that hour since we were woken up. Anyways when I got into work I asked her what was with the call at 5am in a joking manner. She responed in the same tone which was fine but I thought the least she could do was appologise to me aswell since she phoned on my phone. Instead she got more and more personal, eventually telling me to go to bed earlier and get my priorities straight. The irony in the one part was she said she didn't do anything I didn't, then a few lines later told me to grow up. I think telling her that pretty much made her foam at the mouth and then things blew completely out of proportion. She proceeded to tell me I keep her sister prisoner and brain wash her along with other personal remarks and outragious accusations. Eventually the arguement came to its conclusion but again it's hard to forget. Especially when I stated mere facts while she resorted to personal insults. Which just displays a complete lack of respect. I never asked them for a thing but she is quick to run her mouth when someone has an issue. Despite the fact that I could have picked her relationship apart I decided it would just lead to further dispute since she's completely unreasonable and borderline psychotic.
(I'm getting to the point  )
This all happened over the course of the recession aswell. Since I hadn't had a salary for the past 6 months, and the company which I have a stake in was over half a million in debt it made things pretty hard to deal with at times. Considering my fiance worked 7 days a week and I worked 5. I worked in the morning to the afternoon, she worked from the afternoon to the evening and from the morning to the afternoon on weekends, we didn't get much time to sit and chill. Afterall there's still washing to do, grass to cut and various work around the house. Along with her sisters badgering it ended up in a really stressful situation. Everytime her sisters started trouble my fiance ended up in tears and I had to bite my tounge for the sake of not causing further dispute.
Besides all this I wasn't very happy in the relationship. Not because there was anything wrong with it in terms of her and I. Basicly the spark had died and I was wondering if there was anything else out there. I'm not sure weather it's because I don't want to be tied down yet or if it's because of the stress. There's many more aspects to the story, such as losing a deal on a house due to no money, selling both my cars and her mothers snotty attitude.
Overall it was the hardest decision I've ever had to make. I still don't know if it was right or not but I decided to break things off with her now, rather than take it further and waste precious time, it would be unfair on both of us to carry it on. I also just need to get away from her family. I got much more on my plate than their petty squabbles.
I still love her very much, she phones me asking for us to try again, it always ends up in tears and it's not easy to deal with. I won't go back untill I'm positive the doubts were meaningless and I was wrong. I can't put her or myself through this again. I'm always tempted though.
Since breaking up I've gotten sworn at by both her sisters and her 40 year old uncle who runs around getting drunk and trying to sleep with 20 year olds. It's the ultimate hypocrisy that they get to judge everyone elses lives from their high horses. My fiance and I always kept our judgements and our business to ourselves, we were never perfect and I don't pretend to be but we never interfered with them even though many opportunities were presented. I've always been an independant person. My fiance chose to embrace that independance with me and most times we actually visited her family it was my suggestion. It did feel like I had to forsake my independance just to shut them up.
I can't blame them entirely for me breaking it off. All I can say is it definately clouded my judgement and it's hard to determine what I'm really unhappy about, or weather it's just a combination of all factors.
For now I'm just gonna get my mind right, need to quit smoking again, started gym again already and maybe get into some online heroes when my net is fixed at home. I just need something to focus on untill I know what direction life is going. I should be getting my salary this month and there's another deal on a house in progress so within the next 3 months I should get the bond sorted out. Luckily I managed to keep up to date with debts so my credit record should be fairly respectable.
PS. Since my departure sister A stuck her nose into her friends business. The friend retaliated. At which point sister B got involved. The friend has gone to war and the friends mother even contacted sister A calling her a b###h and all sorts. While I don't want to stoop I can't help but enjoy the show. Maybe one day if they can muster up the brain power to figure it out - they will find who the lowest common denominator is. A + B = hypocritical bigot, narcissist and annoying idiot.
That's pretty much the story of my life at the moment, tragedy mixed with pain and anger. There's light at the end of the tunnel however. I just gotta find it. Jokes aside I genuinly did feel bad for sending her back to a family like that. There's a large amount of guilt that people tell me I shouldn't feel. She doesn't deserve all this trouble though, she's a good person.
At least my family has been very supportive to both of us. We hardly visited my family at all but they never minded. We're very closely knit without having to live in eachothers pockets. Seeing her hug my mom goodbye while tears streamed down her face was probably the hardest thing I've ever had to witness. It will be forever burned into my mind 
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted May 17, 2010 02:47 PM |
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Aww, the good old attachment...
I wanted to break up like usual, but the attachment I developed for the first time in my life have not enabled me to do so.*
I can understand it, finally...
Maybe I will even understand love someday 
* And it's a good thing I halted my plan - I realized yesterday I don't want to break up with her. At least for now - I'm surprisingly quite happy and comfortable (and yeah she really talks more now - which suffices )
Badasti, I understand it must be tougher to get out from such a "net" - family, plans, situation. It must be much different than just breaking up with someone because nothing burns in the relationship anymore. To which I'm sort of used to. However, lack of motivation in relationship is a real killer. Even though I think I developed sort of a paranoia making me see it around every corner, I believe that once it happens, breakup is the ultimate and only solution.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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JoonasTo
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
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posted May 17, 2010 03:02 PM |
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Edited by JoonasTo at 15:03, 17 May 2010.
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Congratulations DF!
You've gotten over completely egoistic and are now on the way to socilist living.
So if you lose motivation in something the best thing to do is end it?
Excuse me, I'll just be testing out this rope over here...
PS. Don't want me commenting your post anyways Badasti, trust me on that. 
____________
DON'T BE A NOOB, JOIN A.D.V.E.N.T.U.R.E.
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Badasti
Hired Hero
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posted May 18, 2010 10:16 AM |
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Quote:
Badasti, I understand it must be tougher to get out from such a "net" - family, plans, situation. It must be much different than just breaking up with someone because nothing burns in the relationship anymore. To which I'm sort of used to. However, lack of motivation in relationship is a real killer. Even though I think I developed sort of a paranoia making me see it around every corner, I believe that once it happens, breakup is the ultimate and only solution.
Yeah I agree with you. To an extent I did get kinda paranoid. Every weekend I was just waiting for one of them to throw their toys out the cot, it all built up to the point that I was ALWAYS frustrated, they just had to say one wrong thing, it brought back everything and I was pissed. With all the pressure mounting up I was actually having panic attacks, insomnia and frequent migraines.
Panic attacks are the weirdest things, I thought I was coping alright with the stress, next minute all of a sudden I couldn't breathe and got discomfort in my chest. I went to the doctor and had one, I told him I think it's in my mind but I'm not crazy! Anyways he just gave me an injection that hurt like hell for the migraines but it left me all doped up for the rest of the day. For the first time in a couple of months I actually slept. >.>
Glad your issues are being sorted tho DF. Relationships are srs bzns and emotions are complicated. Hard to make sense of something that doesn't really make sense. Just enjoy the ride and good luck
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Badasti
Hired Hero
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posted May 18, 2010 10:50 AM |
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Quote:
PS. Don't want me commenting your post anyways Badasti, trust me on that.
Up to you. I know I'm full of it myself but just like the sands in an hour glass, so these are the days of our lives.
Part of my problem is I go waaaaaaay to in depth with things and I never forget... I made peace with that a long time ago though. One thing I learnt about life is that it doesn't matter how you try. Deep down you can't change who you are. Best to focus on the good sides and learn to live with the bad. 
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted May 18, 2010 11:34 PM |
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Quote:
So if you lose motivation in something the best thing to do is end it?
No, obviously the best thing to do is to do things you've completely lost motivation towards. A well known fact!
Quote:
discomfort in my chest.
I know this feeling really well. I get this at highest levels of anxiety. Really unpleasant.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted May 19, 2010 03:45 AM |
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Edited by Fauch at 03:46, 19 May 2010.
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Quote:
One thing I learnt about life is that it doesn't matter how you try. Deep down you can't change who you are. Best to focus on the good sides and learn to live with the bad.
It's completely wrong. or maybe it depends what you mean by deep down? Because you can get rid of everything that hides your soul from you and other people.
men are very able to change, that's even how Hitler turned normal people into emotionless killing machine. of course, the contrary is possible too, despite what many people seem to believe, but maybe there aren't many obvious examples.
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Badasti
Hired Hero
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posted May 19, 2010 07:46 AM |
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Quote:
It's completely wrong. or maybe it depends what you mean by deep down? Because you can get rid of everything that hides your soul from you and other people.
men are very able to change, that's even how Hitler turned normal people into emotionless killing machine. of course, the contrary is possible too, despite what many people seem to believe, but maybe there aren't many obvious examples.
When it comes to changing emotions I agree. When it comes to certain things that make you - you, then no, I don't think so.
A group of Germans actually helped a Jewish family escape. I remember watching it on History Channel. Alot of them did it out of fear of standing against Hitler, some of them probably were good people but had their heads filled with mindless propaganda. The rest probably were sadistic.
Regardless I've spent years of my life trying to change myself in certain aspects, many of them I did change. But as for some of them, even if I get it right for a short time it doesn't stay that way for long. As with most things in this forum it gets too complex to sit and discect to come to a conclusion beyond reasonable doubt.
Alls I can tell you is after several years of trying I eventually made peace with the fact that I'll never be perfect. So I accepted the flaws and life pretty much began from that point.
Maybe for you it's different, we'll just have to beg to differ
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ohforfsake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted May 19, 2010 09:12 AM |
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I think the point is that if one can change another persons behaviour as they please through sufficient manipulation to a degree of brain washing, then there should be the same (i.e. none) limit for conditioning yourself towards certain actions.
That is, behaviour of oneself is a somewhat 'poor' way to determine who you, yourself, are. I think all of us have things we want (the consciouss choice) to do even after removing all lairs of emotions and other external influences there may be. It's those wants that is 'what you want', because those are what you've consciously choosen, i.e. what you want. So if you see yourself do stuff, eventhough you want to something else, then it means external influences are effecting you, and that's more a measure of free will in my opinion.
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Living time backwards
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Badasti
Hired Hero
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posted May 19, 2010 12:44 PM |
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Quote:
I think the point is that if one can change another persons behaviour as they please through sufficient manipulation to a degree of brain washing, then there should be the same (i.e. none) limit for conditioning yourself towards certain actions.
That is, behaviour of oneself is a somewhat 'poor' way to determine who you, yourself, are. I think all of us have things we want (the consciouss choice) to do even after removing all lairs of emotions and other external influences there may be. It's those wants that is 'what you want', because those are what you've consciously choosen, i.e. what you want. So if you see yourself do stuff, eventhough you want to something else, then it means external influences are effecting you, and that's more a measure of free will in my opinion.
True, I think the best way to explain it in my case is to give a few examples.
The earliest example which I can recall is being a kid. Someone else was doing something to annoy me and I get told to ignore it. Now I really wanted to ignore it because I was going mad. In the end I just couldn't though. However that's not a lack of will power. I've managed to quit smoking several times, I quit drugs and I dedicated myself to things purely for the result even if I hated doing it.
In the same token my dad is diplomatic and my brother is too diplomatic to the point that he avoids taking action when he should. I'm the opposite, if I believe I'm right I argue untill I'm blue in the face. Even if it comes down to losing a few battles to win the war I just can't handle that. Maybe that's somewhat OCD? Or possibly some kind of inferiority complex. Though, generally if I find I'm wrong I will suck up my pride and admit it.
I hated myself for many years for that because it created so many unnecessary problems. More so than I hated myself for smoking or doing drugs, which proved sufficient to get me to change my ways. Even if I managed to contain myself for a short period of time, in the end it always goes back. Which in turn made me feel like I wasn't accomplishing anything at all. Since a couple of years back I decided to accept that.
So yeah I can be stubborn and cause a bigger problem out of something small, however I also aknowledge positive sides to myself aswell. So it balances out. Maybe such things will change as I get older and wiser, for now I need to focus on other areas of life rather than my issues with myself.
Going back to the relationship and problems I had with her family. I like to think I handled all that as best I could. I even admited to certain things where I may have been wrong, even though I was sure I was not for the sake of peace. Those examples I gave in my life story were basicly the straws that broke the camels back, I couldn't take it anymore.
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