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ohforfsake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted May 19, 2010 01:08 PM |
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My thoughts on your examples:
On the first example, kid got irritated, but was told to ignore whatever irritated you. I think it's too general. If it was because some other kid had a red shirt on, and you (like a bull ) got mad due to red, then I'd say it was due to a lack of willpower. If it was some physical menace, and you could not choose to get rid of it (like he was yelling a lot and eventhough if you went away from him, he'd follow you and keep on yelling), then he'd be limiting your freedom, which is not okay, because then it's no an emotional factor, but a real physical factor at which you've no control (you can't choose not to hear, you can't choose that he should not make sound, and if he follows you then you can't choose to walk away).
It's impressive you can quit those other things, but remember, we'll have different difficulties with different subjects. One person can have tried drugs and smoking, quitted drugs right away, but have had troubles with quitting smoking ever since. The other person, just the opposite. Both envy on their easyness to do what they themselves couldn't, both confused on the problems doing what they themselves could.
About your second exampe, 'fighting any fight to the end', I'd say again, it's a bit too general. There are the positive side, you show who you are and you get friends who likes you for who you are (most likely). Then there's the negative side, if you truely fight any fight, you might as well fight fights that aren't really important to you, only fighting for the reason, to fight. That's however more of a issue of not to be able to prioritize, which is more of a lack of clearly defined wants, I'd guess (which in turn can make one more fragile to emotional influences).
About the 'it always goes back' I guess from this and that you wrote you've quit drugs, etc. several times, that you're able to stop for a long period, but eventually you always end up in the same problem.
My guess is to avoid that you need an environment which enforces actions that is congruent with what you want and does not make you associate with anything that reactivates the addiction. (The problem with addictions often are that they, like when you learn something, creates a path in the brain of easy to do actions and reward mechanism (i.e. conditioning), that path gets less and less problematic the less you get the path activated, both by the action and by what activates it in the first place. However the path never completely dissapears, it'll always be easier for someone who once were an addict, to become an addict again in the given field, whereas one who never was needs to invest more effort into becoming one, a way to make it seem like it has dissapeared permanently though (at least you won't be able to tell the difference as much as you can't know if all you ever saw was some kind of illusino and you're just a brain in a jar) is for every association, that is everything that activates and enforces the problematic path, to each and every of those create a new and stronger path of actions that's congruent with what you want. This kind of self conditioning results in that every risk of setback, if you've sufficient information, will be eliminated as long as the conditioning is self enforcing. To get rid of the infinite negative circle though, one really needs to make a 'habit of making and breaking habits', i.e. a path that you can activate upon getting a better picture of what you want (as our wants change with more information), which means change becomes rather easy (as you use the very emotional problems that earlier would keep you down not to enforce what you want)).
Btw. a wise man once, to conquer the world, one must first conquer oneself. Or something like that. Though I do follow that you've more pressing matters than the problems of your body's unwanted interaction with the environment in relation to free will.
Also I read your post [about breaking up], and I don't think you really did anything wrong.
Though I'd never give up on someone due to the spark having went out, I'd never depend on a spark in the first place for a relationship to exist, as I never choose any sparks.
Also there's the matter we only see your side of the story, I understand that's how you see it and that's the only perspective of which actions can be decided, so there's nothing wrong with that. I just believe that the sisters and the parents have a different view on things. They probably see themselves as those who've been done wrong to.
Though it's really sad your x-fiancee should be trapped in all of this, I don't think she 'deserves' it.
Anyway, I'm not to tell you what to do, that's of course up to yourself, though I hope my post have at least been somewhat inspiring.
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Living time backwards
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted May 20, 2010 10:47 AM |
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Quote:
Though I'd never give up on someone due to the spark having went out, I'd never depend on a spark in the first place for a relationship to exist, as I never choose any sparks.
so you take the reason approach to relationship, not emotion approach?
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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ohforfsake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted May 20, 2010 11:56 AM |
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Not sure if I take any approach at all to be honest. Just saying I don't want to let my feelings get the better of me just as much as I don't want to let what others think I should do get the better of me.
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wog_edn
Promising
The Nothingness
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posted May 20, 2010 03:59 PM |
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If there's no spark or passion, my suggestion is do and ditch. You shouldn't have to work to fall for someone...
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ohforfsake
Promising
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posted May 20, 2010 05:08 PM |
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I agree that you shouldn't work for falling for someone.
Is falling for someone sufficient itself though?
[In this text 'falling for someone' is interpretated as the emotional trigger that make people emotional attracted to one another without necessarily knowing eachother at all].
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wog_edn
Promising
The Nothingness
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posted May 20, 2010 05:27 PM |
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When I say "to fall for someone" I think of falling in love. As simple as that. And no, it's not always enough .. but without it there shouldn't be a relationship. Casual sex yes, but a relationship no. If there are baggage, then there might be a reason to stay away ... if it's too much to handle. Otherwise, I see no reason to stay if you feel strongly for her.
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ohforfsake
Promising
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posted May 20, 2010 05:37 PM |
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Of which I'm of another opinion, but each to their own.
[Just stating it, because you made it look like an objective statement, though as it's a matter of choice it's always subjective].
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wog_edn
Promising
The Nothingness
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posted May 20, 2010 05:41 PM |
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Of course, some follow their brain some follow their heart ... I am the heart-kind, I do what I feel like and don't worry about stuff. Makes things much easier, also relationship.
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ohforfsake
Promising
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posted May 20, 2010 05:45 PM |
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Nothing I disagree with, though you know, it'd also be much easier if you'd just do whatever person X told you under the right circumstances.
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wog_edn
Promising
The Nothingness
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posted May 20, 2010 05:53 PM |
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Oh, under the right circumstances I would do what someone told me to ...  huhuhuu
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Carcity
Supreme Hero
Blind Sage
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posted May 22, 2010 08:16 PM |
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I thought a relationship was built on the emotions that binds the two people, and if that bond were to dissappear, then the relationship will become a lie and both parts would become unhappy.
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Why can't you save anybody?
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted May 22, 2010 08:31 PM |
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I believe that everything can be worked on. If there is a problem then it IS possible to work on it. Unfortunately, most people can't be bothered and don't want to and thus it ends.
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
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ohforfsake
Promising
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posted May 22, 2010 08:37 PM |
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@city: I have no problems with this (I want people to do whatever they want), but for me, it'd already be a lie at that point of time of beginning. 
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Carcity
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posted May 23, 2010 12:01 PM |
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What's the point of a relationship with someone if you don't have strong feeliongs for them? Without those feelings, it would be like you were just friends.
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Why can't you save anybody?
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted May 23, 2010 12:06 PM |
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It's worth a try. Feelings, at least in my case, develop slowly and over time.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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ohforfsake
Promising
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Initiate
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posted May 23, 2010 12:18 PM |
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Quote:
What's the point of a relationship with someone if you don't have strong feeliongs for them? Without those feelings, it would be like you were just friends.
What's the point even with those feelings?
There's no point. It's only what you make it to be. There's no problem if you want it to be feeling dependent and likewise if someone else does not. We all have different wants. So it's your decision, and if it's what you want, then go for it.
Though it should be noted that those emotional rewards that one might require in principle can be manipulated forward towards any other human person given enough alteration is done. In general, if you really love someone, don't let it be your emotions that single handedly tells you what to do.
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Carcity
Supreme Hero
Blind Sage
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posted May 23, 2010 04:01 PM |
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@Ohforf, what's the ppoint of doign anything no matter how you think of it? What's the point of living at all? What's thje point of falling in love? What's the point of getting a girl you can be happy with?
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Why can't you save anybody?
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ohforfsake
Promising
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posted May 23, 2010 04:05 PM |
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That's kinda the point of my previous post. The point is whatever you make it.
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Living time backwards
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Carcity
Supreme Hero
Blind Sage
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posted May 23, 2010 04:21 PM |
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I just wanted to show you that it's kinda hard to reason like that, I see it like you question the total meaning of doing anything with life.
Everyone has a different reason, no matter how small and worthless it might seem.
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Why can't you save anybody?
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ohforfsake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted May 23, 2010 04:32 PM |
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Well that was kinda my point as well.
[You asked what the point was if there was no emotions].
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