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Carcity
Supreme Hero
Blind Sage
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posted May 23, 2010 05:00 PM |
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What is your reason to go in a relationship then? Will you seek out the one who'll become the perfect mother for your children or the one who does anything you say?
You go into a relationship totally emotionless as long as the person you enter the relationship with fils all your standrards for a good girlfriend?
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Why can't you save anybody?
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ohforfsake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted May 23, 2010 06:13 PM |
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My answer to that is the same as my reply from 12th of may on page 136, if anyone is interested.
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Living time backwards
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wog_edn
Promising
The Nothingness
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posted June 14, 2010 03:34 AM |
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Alright, thinking of breaking up with my girlfriend. Anyone got any advice how I could do it as painless as possible? (for both parts, as I still love her...) I've thought about it for some time now, and I think it's the right and best thing to do. Then I will have the summer vacation to get over it...
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william
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
LummoxLewis
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posted June 14, 2010 03:57 AM |
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If you still love her, why would you want to break up with her? 
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~Ticking away the moments that
make up a dull day, Fritter and
waste the hours in an off-hand
way~
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baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted June 14, 2010 03:58 AM |
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Wog, mate. Listen.
I nearly broke up with my girl this one time. Actually I did break up. I still loved her but felt I didn't want to put up with crap anymore, seemed like I've had enough, like it was time to move on, it's a wonder it lasted this much anyway, time to continue with my youth and freedom and all that self-righteous crap went on in my head. And only after I spoke the words did I realize what an imbecile I was to make that decision, and how irrationally and childishly I acted. It's the sh*ttiest feeling in the world.
So we got back together basically at once, after I explained her I realize how wrong I was and how now I've figured out what we should do and how we should do it and all that pathetic stuff.
I'm still with her, it's been some time now, we've worked out most of our problems (ignoring them or pretending I'm fine with them or letting her have her way just doesn't do the trick, though it seems easier in the short run) and I'm as happy as an 18 year old can be in a two-year relationship. I also feel lucky I realized some crucial stuff about my mind and emotions this early in life.
So, the idea is to decide whether you really love her or you're just saying that because of some kind of, I dunno, guilt you feel because you're getting ready to dump her, or cause she turned you on once but doesn't any more, or something. I'm not a bloody psychiatrist, just decide whether you actually love her or not.
If you do, don't be an idiot.
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"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf
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wog_edn
Promising
The Nothingness
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posted June 14, 2010 03:58 AM |
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Cause I can't control that emotion, and it grows too fast ... so when finally it doesn't work anymore at all it would be too hard. It's not only about what you feel, we want very different things and have become pretty different. So over time it simply wouldn't work...
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 14, 2010 05:09 AM |
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Quote:
Cause I can't control that emotion, and it grows too fast
Then this is the first thing you should take care of. When you act, you should act in harmony with yourself - there should be no disagreement or lack of integrity in your actions.
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Eccentric Opinion
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted June 14, 2010 08:46 AM |
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That is so easy to say mvass.
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H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 14, 2010 09:01 AM |
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Yeah, I guess. It's not always easy to reach such a state. But that is where the starting point should be. When you're there, most of your problems of that kind disappear.
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Eccentric Opinion
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JoonasTo
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
What if Elvin was female?
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posted June 14, 2010 09:12 AM |
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Quote:
That is so easy to say mvass.
Quoted for the truth.
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DON'T BE A NOOB, JOIN A.D.V.E.N.T.U.R.E.
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ohforfsake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted June 14, 2010 09:53 AM |
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How do you suggest for such a state to be reached mvass? I mean, I do agree with you, but without advice on getting there, it's like stating the obvious [like saying, try to achieve happiness].
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Living time backwards
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War-overlord
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Presidente of Isla del Tropico
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posted June 14, 2010 11:16 AM |
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Now I cannot claim to be a great expert in matters of love. But you're sounding a bit rash there Wog.
I've I were you, I'd try to talk this over with your girl and give her some time to let it sink in. Try listening to what she thinks about it and see if you two can come to some sort of compromise. Girlfriends have a way of surprising you when you least expect it.
If she says you should suck it up and not be a wuss about it, go right ahead with your plans of dumping her.
But think about it carefully and consider the options.
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Vote El Presidente! Or Else!
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 14, 2010 12:13 PM |
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Quote:
Quote:
Cause I can't control that emotion, and it grows too fast
Then this is the first thing you should take care of. When you act, you should act in harmony with yourself - there should be no disagreement or lack of integrity in your actions.
I don't really get what you mean. should you control your emotions, or in the contrary express them. like if you are angry, should you hide it, or smash some stuffs?
personnaly, I follow bouddhism, which is based a lot on the control of emotions. bad emotions come from ignorance, anger and cupidity.
but they don't tell you to hide your emotions, on the contrary, but to recognize that experiencing some emotions is just useless and harmful to you.
As soon as you feel that kind of emotion, you should think if it is really worth it. You are angry at someone, is it worth it? your anger makes you suffer, but your opponent don't feel it (well, he sees it if you express it) but he isn't the one tormented. so by wishing that he suffers, you are actually the one suffering.
and when it becomes vicious, it is because you generally consider the other one to be the cause of that suffering (whereas, it is really your own choice to suffer. you experience anger only because you agree to let it dominate yourself)
so that leads to a conflict which results in even more anger.
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted June 14, 2010 12:27 PM |
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Wog,
Take a break. If you can, go for a one-week holiday. Turn off your phone, and imagine you have broken up.
After that week it should be much clearer whether you need her or not.
You can always tell her your phone went dead or something when you get back in case you still want to be with her.
As for the breakup phase... ow boy. Been there so many times.
In general, it's best to explain what causes the problem, and ask whether she can work on it. If she can't or you feel she won't, simply tell her about the differences and ask her whether breaking up wouldn't be a best solution. After observing her reaction, you have all the info you really need to break up. Just watch and listen, people usually can't hide their emotions in such moments. Once decided, just thank her for the time spend together and go on with your life.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted June 14, 2010 01:00 PM |
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what do you mean by "need her"?
if you are with someone only because of what he / she brings you, it's not love.
actually you rarely see people who are really in love, who have total trust in each other. as soon as trust is lacking, love begins to disappear and it becomes instrumentalization.
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wog_edn
Promising
The Nothingness
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posted June 14, 2010 01:17 PM |
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Been a week apart without talking, I kinda don't need anybody .. but she makes me happy. But also, she and I are so different it sorta gives me alot of limits as to what I can do due to her not being so social. I've talked with her a month ago, and she ain't gonna change. She believes you shouldn't change for anybody. I am pretty much a master of self-control (emotionally), except for the love-part which is still kinda new to me. So I guess I would be "calm" and "reasonable" or whatever...
Also, she's really really depressed. It's not the reason I am breaking up with her, but it's the reason I am kinda afraid of doing it. Afraid of what she might do...
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baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted June 14, 2010 01:40 PM |
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Relax, the worst she can do is kill herself.
____________
"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted June 14, 2010 02:12 PM |
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Quote:
due to her not being so social.
Does it mean she doesn't want to spend time with your friends or smth?
Quote:
I've talked with her a month ago, and she ain't gonna change. She believes you shouldn't change for anybody
People unfortunately rarely are compatible to a point where they don't need to work on anything. I think it's very important to work on your differences instead of clinging desperately to something you think is "so yours it can't change". That is a major problem. I find such people not really good for serious relationships  However, we must all remember that there are things that cannot be changed, since they are core of our personalities. If she is asocial by default (like me), nothing will change this, as this is, well, her core being. I wouldn't start partying and drinking under no circumstance for instance. This is the core of me, can't change it. Other things however, I'm open to changing them.
Quote:
Also, she's really really depressed. It's not the reason I am breaking up with her, but it's the reason I am kinda afraid of doing it. Afraid of what she might do...
This may sound cold, but everybody is up for themselves. Clinging to someone because of pity or fear is... well, pointless.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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phoenixreborn
Promising
Legendary Hero
Unicorn
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posted June 14, 2010 02:21 PM |
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Pretty much agreeing with Doomforge in this case. I remember talking to a man who had been afraid to break up because he didn't the girl would do well afterward. Finally he did, and 2 years later, both he and the ex-girlfriend were married to new partners.
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Bask in the light of my glorious shining unicorn.
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wog_edn
Promising
The Nothingness
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posted June 14, 2010 02:48 PM |
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Quote:
Relax, the worst she can do is kill herself.
Yeah, exactly...
Quote:
Does it mean she doesn't want to spend time with your friends or smth?
It means that+she doesn't wanna go to parties, the movies, she doesn't like resturants too much, etc...
And yeah, I am not going to consider her depression when breaking up ... you put it just like dad (talked to him too, he has dumped alot of women  ), every man for himself.
Can't think about her in this. Also going to talk to mom, actually, cause she's an expert on the human mind and stuff .. +her job is to help teenagers and the like. Maybe she has some good advice. First time I am dumping anyone, usually I have just stopped calling! But hey, when you've been dating 14 months then she deserves a face-to-face break-up.
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