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| Thread: Do men really want to have children? |  This thread is pages long: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 · NEXT» |
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meroe
Supreme Hero
Basically Smurfette
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posted May 17, 2014 05:51 PM |
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Do men really want to have children?
This is something that has been bothering me for quite some time and male perspectives, honest perspectives on this issue would be a great help.
Do men really want to have children?
As a female of the species who has no desire whatsoever to breed, I am constantly surprised at the amount of men who have told me that they would love to have children one day. In fact many guys have even told me that it is imperative that they become fathers'.
I really do not understand this. The obvious jokes aside i.e. "does a guy realize he is a father? Or does he just notice all the small people that live in his house?", what is a male perspective on having children.
I have many questions, but I will try to keep it brief. Is the desire to become a father at some point in your life always there - compared to a woman's broodiness (for example)?
If you really felt the need to become a father, but your partner/girlfriend/wife had no interest in ever having children. Would this affect your relationship with her? Would you stay and be childless or leave someone you claim to love and find someone else so you can have children?
Or is the issue of having children out of your hands? You become a father when your partner decides she wants children? How do you feel about that? Is that the norm?
Did you plan parenthood with your partner? Or was it a happy accident?
I am not going to include abortion in this topic as it doesn't really apply, as I am asking if men truly get broody and have a desperate need to pass on their genes.
MODS* Wasn't sure if this was OSM material, but put it here anyhow. Please feel free to move it.
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Meroe is definetely out, sweet
as she sounds sometimes, she'd
definetely castrate you with a
rusted razror and forcefeed
your genitals to you in a
blink of an eye - Kipshasz
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OhforfSake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted May 17, 2014 06:13 PM |
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I think I speak from all males when I say I'm not qualified to answer this.
But to be honest, it's fine you don't want to have children, no one should think less of you because of your decisions. It's your life, and people who love you then also ought to accept you for who you are, be it a lesbian, a childless lesbian or even a *shivers* justin bieber fan.
Myself..
When I had the image of the perfect world was a world in which I lived with my parents as their child, I could not really imagine how a child would fit into that world, because I thought myself as a child.
I also don't like the idea you create an existing being without its approval into a world where it's doomed to perish. But that's a question that may take the path towards abortion which you didn't want to, so I'll not expand on this one.
But I think it depends on how one imagine a good future life looks like. There may not even be a significant other, there may be 12 children in a dark basement room and that is about it, there's a lot of possibilities and we're all different.. so if the dude sees children as a significant part of his future, then he prolly wants to have children.
I think it's very difficult to say anything general that applies to any given guy in particular like with damsels as well I'd imagine. E.g. when I think of what kind of parent I'd be, I try to project my own childhood onto this imaginary child and how I'd respond.. in reality I'm not sure anyone is ever really prepared for.. or know what they get into, when they get their next child, because like people, children (who obviously aren't people) are different as well.
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Living time backwards
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Tsar-Ivor
Promising
Legendary Hero
Scourge of God
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posted May 17, 2014 06:26 PM |
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Kids are nice and I'd love to have them, but I wouldn't force the issue with someone who doesn't share that, i.e it wouldn't be a deal-breaker if she didn't want to have kids. (besides, I can just do what my father did)
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"No laughs were had. There is only shame and sadness." Jenny
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fred79
Disgraceful
Undefeatable Hero
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posted May 17, 2014 06:27 PM |
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Edited by fred79 at 18:32, 17 May 2014.
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meroe said:
This is something that has been bothering me for quite some time and male perspectives, honest perspectives on this issue would be a great help.
Do men really want to have children?
i don't. it's a huge responsibility, for one(i don't think most dads understand just HOW big); for another, i am perfectly fine being an uncle. i used to think it would be a good idea to have a kid; somebody i could meld in my likeness, somebody that i could teach all of the stuff i've already learned, so that they could be further along in understanding(if that's the right word?). they could be a more advanced and effective version of myself, or so i thought. but then i realized that was arrogance talking, not to mention putting pressure on a child to become like myself. in order for a kid to really become like myself, i would have to raise them the same way i was raised, and i could never do that to a kid. i have read of people who were abused, that they would end up abusing their own families when they were older. when i realized what i might be capable of, i gave the idea up. no way would i treat a wife and son/daughter like that.
then there's the thought of what my kid would have to deal with when it grew up(even if i had been a good father, and did my best to raise him/her). the world is a hostile place; the human world, more so. the damage that they cause to one another, i wouldn't put a new life through that. with human life advancing how it is, and the state of the environment(and what it will become as the years pass); it just isn't worth it, to bring another human life into the mix, to be at the mercy of the mostly asinine human race.
meroe said:
Is the desire to become a father at some point in your life always there?
not for me. once i debated with myself the possible outcomes, and the impact a child would make both on myself, the rest of the world, and the impacts the rest of the world would make on the child, and the inevitable conclusion, it was easy to decide only once. besides the fact that i love my own freedom. being a real father changes people, and the way they have to live their lives. the guys who are just half-ass dads, not so much(see: deadbeats who may or may not pay child support, and that being the extent of their fatherhood, aside from a bull**** visit every now and then). it would be better to put the maximum effort forth, to produce a human being worthy of having a life on this planet. it was an easy decision to uphold, for myself. i've never second-guessed that initial decision, ever.
meroe said:
I am not going to include abortion in this topic as it doesn't really apply, as I am asking if men truly get broody and have a desperate need to pass on their genes.
i sometimes find myself having the desire to procreate, but only because so many idiots are. sometimes, i wish i could even the score a little. but in the end, i understand that only morons would do something like that. and they do. see the church in the midwest(i think) that is procreating at an expedential rate, just so that there will be more of "their kind", than non-believers(i couldn't find the name of the church, sorry).
meroe said:
Wasn't sure if this was OSM material, but put it here anyhow. Please feel free to move it.
this is OSM material certainly, and much better than i have seen recently. a very important topic, indeed. 
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meroe
Supreme Hero
Basically Smurfette
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posted May 17, 2014 06:44 PM |
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Edited by meroe at 18:46, 17 May 2014.
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Thanks guys so far. Its just that I struggle with the whole issue of men wanting children to the point where they pressure their partner. Why on earth would a guy feel such a desperate need for children?? To me that just doesn't seem natural. Granted, it may be my own personal bias here. I do understand a female's biological need to have children. Hell, childbirth is such an appalling and traumatic thing to go through, there has to be a chemical stimulus flowing through a woman's body to make her want to put herself through that. And more than once.
I mean women die in childbirth. It still happens. Stillbirth's, miscarriage. Nothing is certain.
I worked in an office where a colleague had given birth to her second son. Her partner, who had come into the office to inform us of the news - mother and baby were doing great (wonderful news) was later overheard saying that he wanted a girl and plans on his partner getting pregnant again as soon as possible. I was repulsed. Was I right to find those words sickening? Surely I am right? What was she, just a baby making factory for him?
And another guy I overheard in a bar complaining that his wife hadn't got her figure back after whatever number child. And I was compelled to go and tell him that his beer gut was the size of twins and what the snow was his excuse!! (Yeah that did not go down well).
Okay, I am obviously quoting a couple of idiots, but still the attitude snows me off something appalling.
So despite my female sensibilities, what really do guys think?
@Tsar. What did your father do?? Spill.
____________
Meroe is definetely out, sweet
as she sounds sometimes, she'd
definetely castrate you with a
rusted razror and forcefeed
your genitals to you in a
blink of an eye - Kipshasz
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OhforfSake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted May 17, 2014 06:55 PM |
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About the examples, I guess it depends on the context..
I mean it may have been said as a joke or something similar you happened to overhear and take seriously..
About pressuring... I don't know, I mean I'm not really sure why people form couples in the first place.. to me someone has to be very important before starting a strong bond with, on the other hand I don't think it's uncommon to hear about people getting and dumping partners like they were worthless. But one perspective I can see is that for some it might be relevant to either wait with children until the financial aspects are settled.. but that goes back to the matter of getting a child just so it eventually can perish.
On the other hand, some might want children as fast as possible to keep the age gap as low as possible to, so the children won't have to be sad about having older parents whose life he/she has missed a whole lot of, not to mention it might increase the chance of being relative young while getting grand children and grand grand children.
But what guys really wants? Sandwiches.
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Living time backwards
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angelito
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
proud father of a princess
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posted May 17, 2014 07:10 PM |
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Edited by angelito at 19:10, 17 May 2014.
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You can only imagine what's about that feeling if you HAVE a child 
Kids don't lie when they love....
Being proud of its own child gives you a feeling you hardly can feel in any other situation.
Coming home from work, totally exhausted from stress and other things and there is a little one who opens the door and just says:
"Hi dad, I was so desperately waiting for you. Now I'm happy. Love you"
Priceless
Update of my princess:
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Better judged by 12 than carried by 6.
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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted May 17, 2014 07:10 PM |
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Most guys I know want to have kids eventually. I don't know how much of that is their own thinking - many people just assume it's the "normal" behaviour in life, like getting married at some point - and the "correct" thing to do. Hard to say if they put much thought in it.
Personally? I put my thought in it and concluded I see absolutely no interest in becoming a father, ever.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted May 17, 2014 07:21 PM |
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I can't speak for all men, and I suspect the way I feel is relatively uncommon, but while I want to have kids (well, one child) I would also be fine with not having kids, and it doesn't feel like any kind of urge. For a long time, I didn't want to have kids at all, but that was partially because I thought that I'd marry someone whose parenting I wouldn't trust entirely, and so I'd have to make an additional effort to counteract it, which would've made having kids more trouble than it's worth. I thought that the number of women I could marry would be significantly higher than the number of women who would raise a child in a way that I would find agreeable - they'd be kind and nurturing, certainly, but they'd be too likely to infect them with toxic social norms and cultural tropes. I don't have to worry about that with my girlfriend, so we intend to have a child at some point in the future.Doomforge said:
Most guys I know want to have kids eventually. I don't know how much of that is their own thinking - many people just assume it's the "normal" behaviour in life, like getting married at some point - and the "correct" thing to do. Hard to say if they put much thought in it
This. Having children is part of the cultural script, much like getting married, and most people don't question it even if they deviate from the script in a few areas.
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Eccentric Opinion
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OhforfSake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted May 17, 2014 07:33 PM |
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Doomforge said:
Personally? I put my thought in it and concluded I see absolutely no interest in becoming a father, ever.
Well sure, 15 year old's usually aren't the cut out for it.. 
mvassilev said:
I can't speak for all men
No please, go ahead.
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Living time backwards
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Tsar-Ivor
Promising
Legendary Hero
Scourge of God
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posted May 17, 2014 07:39 PM |
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meroe said:
Thanks guys so far. Its just that I struggle with the whole issue of men wanting children to the point where they pressure their partner. Why on earth would a guy feel such a desperate need for children??
@Tsar. What did your father do?? Spill.
Some guys think that a woman is only happy when she's squeezing out wee ones. Kind of understandable when some women have some pretty heavy menstrual cycles that disappear during the months of the pregnancy. But it doesn't necessarily justify forcing them to have kids.
And no, not at all comfortable with sharing anything of that sort about my father, hinting at it was a mistake.
Quote:
Well sure, 15 year old's usually aren't the cut out for it..
Hahahaha. ^^
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"No laughs were had. There is only shame and sadness." Jenny
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JollyJoker
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
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posted May 17, 2014 09:07 PM |
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You got to be kidding.
There you have a chance to play God - CREATE life - AND just do what you are supposed to do as a single member of a species - and you BALK?
See, all this CRAP about what we HAVE TO DO, keek the planet clean, Mother Earth, FollOw God, do this, avoid that - and the only thing we can make a real CASE about doing is a problem.
Yes, having children is a responsibility, but NO, you don't have to live your kids's life for them, pave them the way to paradise or a fortune or keep them from all harm in the world.
If you ARE wwith a pertner, then a child is what you can ACCOMPLISH together - and in the truest meaning of the word.
I think, if you are loving someone, there will naturally come a point when you want a child. NATURALLY (think survival). That may translate to EMOTIONALLY or just, well, the greatest thing you can possibly do in the world.
Imagine you work creatively. Your team is creating something, a new product, a new package, a new advertisement, whatever. Creating a CHILD is infinetly more interesting, OBVIOUSLY.
Anything else?
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Vindicator
Supreme Hero
Right Back Extraordinaire
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posted May 17, 2014 09:12 PM |
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Quote:
Personally? I put my thought in it and concluded I see absolutely no interest in becoming a father, ever.
Pretty much this. I like all the good things that come with kids and I like kids in general, but the cost of the bad and the whole responsibility thing would be way too much for me.
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meroe
Supreme Hero
Basically Smurfette
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posted May 17, 2014 09:28 PM |
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@Angelito - Absolutely beautiful picture.
I am enjoying the imput and I think its getting somewhere. JJ said an important thing here - 'chance to play God'. So is that part of what goes through a man's brain. 'There must be something so remarkable about me that I must pass on my gene's to ensure that something of me carries on' ???? What is so intrinsic to a relationship that you have a child together?
No bullsnow here guys, I want the truth ..... even if it seems misogynistic at times.
You see I know this will sound daft to a lot of you, but as men don't actually go through pregnancy, hormone swings, haemorrhoids, morning sickness, stretch marks and then labor - horrible pain, splitting, episiotomies, stitches etc. Do they turn a blind eye to that in their drive to 'play God'?
As a female I know that most of you guys are pretty much in love with and protective of your 'meat and two veg'. And most women will handle them quite delicately. Yet at the same time there doesn't appear to be much worry regarding what your partner goes through in order to give you Little Larry or Dolly.
What I am driving at here is this - is there a chauvinistic drive for men to procreate??? That goes beyond the effects on their partners bodies.
____________
Meroe is definetely out, sweet
as she sounds sometimes, she'd
definetely castrate you with a
rusted razror and forcefeed
your genitals to you in a
blink of an eye - Kipshasz
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artu
Promising
Undefeatable Hero
My BS sensor is tingling again
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posted May 17, 2014 09:39 PM |
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Edited by artu at 21:40, 17 May 2014.
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It's not a matter of life and death to me (no pun intended) and I don't see it happening in the foreseeable future but I'm open to the idea. I think for men, staying with the kid is the less instinctive part rather than making it. That's why you have many more run-away fathers than run-away mothers. Of course, wealth is an important factor there, males who don't have to work all the time and who have lots of free time and money can adjust to the situation easily, it becomes suffocating to some of them, when they work all day and then come home to screaming and bickering. At the risk of generalizing, I'd say, women seem to be handling that part more efficiently and more spontaneously.
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Warmonger
Promising
Legendary Hero
fallen artist
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posted May 17, 2014 09:45 PM |
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Some years ago people didn't want to have children or not, they simply had them. Now they plan children and end up with negative population growth.
(They also plan their careers and end up unemployed, but that's probably another topic.)
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The future of Heroes 3 is here!
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OhforfSake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted May 17, 2014 10:02 PM |
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I'm not despicable because of my gender!
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Living time backwards
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Storm-Giant
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
On the Other Side!
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posted May 17, 2014 10:10 PM |
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OhforfSake said:
I'm not despicable because of my gender!
Nor by your personality either.
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Sandman
Known Hero
Fearsome Warrior
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posted May 17, 2014 10:21 PM |
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Angelito is right, you dont realise how much you change once you are a father. Suddenly you see what life is all about and now the most important thing in your life is your child - everything else doesn't matter.
I have 3 children with my wife. Two boys and a girl. I never thought that i would have kids untill i met my wife, i started to think that it was important to me to have children with her it was the next step. Can't imagine my life without them now - it was so empty before, yet i only can see that now (its hard to explain). Hope this helps
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OhforfSake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
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posted May 17, 2014 10:28 PM |
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Omg. Sandman that's not the person you're in my head. In my head you're a wild former biker who lost his leg while he was performing crazy stunts with his gang and is now a half cyborg, half teenager, looking for cash and cheap ladies.
Storm-Giant said:
OhforfSake said:
I'm not despicable because of my gender!
Nor by your personality either.
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Living time backwards
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