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Gravorce
Adventuring Hero
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posted December 21, 2017 09:59 AM |
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"see santa i told you last time buy german, but NO you had to buy a Ford sleigh"
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Galaad
Hero of Order
Li mort as morz, li vif as vis
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posted December 21, 2017 10:13 AM |
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And this is what happens when Geny drinks too much schnaps at this time of the year.
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted December 21, 2017 09:53 PM |
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- Flat tire?
- No, just Rundolf being a jerk. I'm gonna punch his red nose for quitting and leaving me in the middle of nowhere! Ho-ho-ho!
____________
H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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Zenofex
Responsible
Legendary Hero
Kreegan-atheist
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posted December 22, 2017 08:23 AM |
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Edited by Zenofex at 10:10, 22 Dec 2017.
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- So I had the right of way, going straight and suddenly that idiot...
- What was the other vehicle?
- Black BMW, why?
- Black BMW always has the right of way.
- ****.
- Did you see the license plate?
- Yeah, some Russian or Ukrainian thing... Mother &^$%@*", I'm sure that was the ****ing Eastern Bunny. That little...
- Well, with that salary you get from Coca-Cola, it's high time you buy yourself something less medieval to drive.
- You've got a point. I'm thinking T-80 or M 1, should give me right of way fairly often.
- It certainly will.
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Markmasters
Famous Hero
Dragon of justice
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posted December 22, 2017 09:50 AM |
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*At a movie company*
gentleman, we need new ideas for a christmas movie after Home Alone 57 was a disaster.
"how about 'the truck that stole Christmas."
yes excellent! i want it done in 2 days
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fuChris
Promising
Supreme Hero
Master to the Speed of Light
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posted December 24, 2017 12:03 PM |
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You know officer, this has happened to me one too many times by now. I'm on my way delivering presents like I should and a careless Disney Princess comes out of nowhere and starts singing carols and poof my reindeer are gone off following some little b*tch dancing and prancing like it's some kind of holiday musical.
Well next time Santa is gonna be prepared. I have a feeling that little Timmy will have asked for a tranquilizer gun for next Christmas. Either that or a flame thrower. Depends on how much eggnog I had by that point...
____________
"Now I am become Chris, the destroyer of worlds." - Robert Oppenheimer.
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Kipshasz
Undefeatable Hero
Elvin's Darkside
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posted December 24, 2017 12:32 PM |
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Round 17 Rated
Trogdor
Mall Santa be like "If you think I'm fake, you should see Operation Repo".
Repo men are the worst. 3pts
EnergyZ
"Well good thing Christmas lasts for two days", said Santa, who didn't realize he had to pay the insurance first for this *kind* (of) service.
You mean to tell me that the song "12 days of Christmas" is a lie  3.5pts
Damacon_Ace
"Well, it looks like I'm not going to be Father Christmas this year, but rather Father New Year's Eve as it's gonna take time to repair this sleigh."
In soviet Russia they don't mind that. 3pts
AlkarRahn
After eating his entire set of reindeer due to cravings, Santa had to call the Critical Automotive Agency. Or, to him, seeing as how he actually owned it, the Christmas Assistance Agency. He had them send over of one of his special flying tow trucks. Danny just hoped he didn't end up like Dancer.
That's what happens when you get bored of milk and cookies. 3pts
Maurice
"Look, gramps, you're deep enough into problems already," officer Johnson explained, "since you:
- Are apparently pretty deep into eggnog;
- Have obviously mistreated your animals as you fed your reindeer eggnog too, one is even so drunk it has a red nose;
- By your own admission, have applied "magic dust" to your reindeer to make them fly, which might even be worse than the eggnog;
- Have exceeded safety packing limits for a vehicle this size;
- Are operating this vehicle without any of the attributes required by law, such as a number plate;
- Are not in possession of a valid driving license;
- Have tried to bribe an officer on duty with free presents;
- Have threatened said officer too, with putting him on some sort of list;
- Very seriously, have admitted you're a child molester, confirmed by the huge number of toys you're carrying to lure them to you;
So yes, as you're looking at several years behind bars at least I can assuredly state that us towing your vehicle away is the least of your worries."
And since the cop has the "I don't take bribes" sticker on his cruiser, 'ol Saint Nick isn't getting out of this one easily. 4pts
BlizzardBoy
After the latest failure, Santa and his elves gorged on lots and lots of venison during the post-Christmas crash.
Too much if you ask me. 3.5pts
Gravorce
"see santa i told you last time buy german, but NO you had to buy a Ford sleigh"
It could've been much worse if Santa bought something French or Italian. 3.5pts
Galaad
And this is what happens when Geny drinks too much schnaps at this time of the year.
Yeah, and he tend's to leave menorahs as presents for the kids, as well as referring to ppl as "those bleeping goyim". 4pts
Elvin
- Flat tire?
- No, just Rundolf being a jerk. I'm gonna punch his red nose for quitting and leaving me in the middle of nowhere! Ho-ho-ho!
But what about the other reindeer? 4pts
Zenofex
- So I had the right of way, going straight and suddenly that idiot...
- What was the other vehicle?
- Black BMW, why?
- Black BMW always has the right of way.
- ****.
- Did you see the license plate?
- Yeah, some Russian or Ukrainian thing... Mother &^$%@*", I'm sure that was the ****ing Eastern Bunny. That little...
- Well, with that salary you get from Coca-Cola, it's high time you buy yourself something less medieval to drive.
- You've got a point. I'm thinking T-80 or M 1, should give me right of way fairly often.
- It certainly will.
May I suggest the latest T-14 "Armata"? 4pts
Markmasters
*At a movie company*
gentleman, we need new ideas for a christmas movie after Home Alone 57 was a disaster.
"how about 'the truck that stole Christmas."
yes excellent! i want it done in 2 days
Even better idea - "How the Grinch stole christmas 2"! 4pts
fuChris
You know officer, this has happened to me one too many times by now. I'm on my way delivering presents like I should and a careless Disney Princess comes out of nowhere and starts singing carols and poof my reindeer are gone off following some little b*tch dancing and prancing like it's some kind of holiday musical.
Well next time Santa is gonna be prepared. I have a feeling that little Timmy will have asked for a tranquilizer gun for next Christmas. Either that or a flame thrower. Depends on how much eggnog I had by that point...
There's gonna be a one happy kid on christmas morning, that's for sure. 4pts
Scoreboard
fuChris - 70
Maurice - 67,5
Blizzardboy - 27
Galaad - 42.5
NoobX - 41
Angelito - 2.5
The_Polyglot - 22
Trogdor - 51.5
EnergyZ - 57.5
AlkarRahn - 57
Elvin - 49
Minion - 9.5
Neraus - 12.5
Damacon_Ace - 55,5
Artu - 4.5
Gryphs - 3.5
Markmasters - 25
Friendofgunnar - 7
Zenofex - 31
Jayce8 - 0
Doomhammer - 4
Gravorce - 3.5
Round 18!
Will be rated on December 29th.
____________
"Kip is the Gavin McInnes of HC" - Salamandre
"Ashan to the Trashcan", "I got PTSD from H7. " - LizardWarrior
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AlkarRahn
Promising
Legendary Hero
Divine Arcanist
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posted December 24, 2017 01:16 PM |
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"Now where did that pipe go? Come on, I didn't toss and turn that much in my sleep. Hey, little Jimmy would love... What is this? Oh, who cares, Jimmy will love it. Now where is my pipe!? Santa needs to start seeing those blasted elves again. Then get into the Christmas spirits and flying high!"
____________
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Trogdor
Legendary Hero
Words in a custom title
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posted December 24, 2017 01:52 PM |
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No wonder the Christmas hamper industry is under investigation. They've been involved in the most blatant cost-cutting measures ever recorded.
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"Through the power of the dollar you can communicate with the dead." - Artu
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EnergyZ
Legendary Hero
President of MM Wiki
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posted December 24, 2017 02:51 PM |
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Maurice
Hero of Order
Part of the furniture
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posted December 24, 2017 04:44 PM |
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"Those unthankful, obnoxious little brats ... throwing away everything I gave them that they didn't ask for. So instead of some nice R&R with Miss Santa, I am out and about to collect everything from the garbage containers.
Heck, I even did my best to clean off the garbage smell from last year!"
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fuChris
Promising
Supreme Hero
Master to the Speed of Light
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posted December 28, 2017 11:17 PM |
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Santa looking for the lost spirit of Christmas.
Except it is not lost. It is exactly where it belongs. Wedged between a trashcan and the frozen corpse of a homeless person.
Merry Christmas!
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"Now I am become Chris, the destroyer of worlds." - Robert Oppenheimer.
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Kipshasz
Undefeatable Hero
Elvin's Darkside
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posted December 31, 2017 01:55 PM |
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A little late, I know, but...
Round 18 RATED!
AlkarRahn
"Now where did that pipe go? Come on, I didn't toss and turn that much in my sleep. Hey, little Jimmy would love... What is this? Oh, who cares, Jimmy will love it. Now where is my pipe!? Santa needs to start seeing those blasted elves again. Then get into the Christmas spirits and flying high!"
Magic dust is indeed magic. Ho ho ho. 4pts
Trogdor
No wonder the Christmas hamper industry is under investigation. They've been involved in the most blatant cost-cutting measures ever recorded.
I blame the Chinese. 3.5pts
EnergyZ
"We have to protect the Earth", said Santa, who decided recycling (the presents) this year.
The "good" list is getting shorter and shorter by the minute. 4pts
Maurice
"Those unthankful, obnoxious little brats ... throwing away everything I gave them that they didn't ask for. So instead of some nice R&R with Miss Santa, I am out and about to collect everything from the garbage containers.
Heck, I even did my best to clean off the garbage smell from last year!"
Santa's workshop still feels the effects of the 2008 recession it seems. 4pts
fuChris
Santa looking for the lost spirit of Christmas.
Except it is not lost. It is exactly where it belongs. Wedged between a trashcan and the frozen corpse of a homeless person.
Merry Christmas!
Black humor - best humor. Although this one might not be humor at all, but the sad, sad truth. 5pts
Scoreboard
fuChris - 75
Maurice - 71,5
Blizzardboy - 27
Galaad - 42.5
NoobX - 41
Angelito - 2.5
The_Polyglot - 22
Trogdor - 55
EnergyZ - 61.5
AlkarRahn - 61
Elvin - 49
Minion - 9.5
Neraus - 12.5
Damacon_Ace - 55,5
Artu - 4.5
Gryphs - 3.5
Markmasters - 25
Friendofgunnar - 7
Zenofex - 31
Jayce8 - 0
Doomhammer - 4
Gravorce - 3.5
Round 19
Will be rated on January 5th
____________
"Kip is the Gavin McInnes of HC" - Salamandre
"Ashan to the Trashcan", "I got PTSD from H7. " - LizardWarrior
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Elvin
Admirable
Omnipresent Hero
Endless Revival
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posted December 31, 2017 02:58 PM |
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- How about some shots?
- I don't have the tiny glasses but I have the next best thing!
- Close enough 
____________
H5 is still alive and kicking, join us in the Duel Map discord server!
Map also hosted on Moddb
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EnergyZ
Legendary Hero
President of MM Wiki
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posted December 31, 2017 03:27 PM |
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- "3... 2... 1... *BOOM* Happy New Year!" - says the Russian to the little Polak before giving him the drink of his life.
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Trogdor
Legendary Hero
Words in a custom title
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posted December 31, 2017 05:18 PM |
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It was a nice family dinner, at least until those two got kicked out because it looked like it broke Russia's anti-gay propaganda law.
____________
"Through the power of the dollar you can communicate with the dead." - Artu
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AlkarRahn
Promising
Legendary Hero
Divine Arcanist
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posted December 31, 2017 06:29 PM |
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"And tomorrow, when we go hunting, gravy will give extra benefit! Bullets will fly out so fast, not only will we get the Bambi deer, but we will get his father, his mother, and even that little thumpy rabbit thing too. All in one shot! Fly right through..."
____________
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Maurice
Hero of Order
Part of the furniture
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posted January 01, 2018 01:19 PM |
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Edited by Maurice at 13:19, 01 Jan 2018.
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"Igor and Pavlov gave drinking shots of vodka a whole new meaning with this new years' celebration. Next year, they plan to even surpass this years' attempt when they will employ gunpowder too, to give that extra kick as it burns down the gullet."
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Kipshasz
Undefeatable Hero
Elvin's Darkside
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posted January 05, 2018 07:47 PM |
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Round 19 rated
Elvin
- How about some shots?
- I don't have the tiny glasses but I have the next best thing!
- Close enough
In this case, it's the bestest thing. 5pts
EnergyZ
- "3... 2... 1... *BOOM* Happy New Year!" - says the Russian to the little Polak before giving him the drink of his life.
Katyn all over again. 4pts
Trogdor
It was a nice family dinner, at least until those two got kicked out because it looked like it broke Russia's anti-gay propaganda law.
The babushka actually couldn't take their antics anymore. You do not mess with the babushka. 3.5pts
AlkarRahn
"And tomorrow, when we go hunting, gravy will give extra benefit! Bullets will fly out so fast, not only will we get the Bambi deer, but we will get his father, his mother, and even that little thumpy rabbit thing too. All in one shot! Fly right through..."
Gun oil is for sissies anyways! 4pts
Maurice
"Igor and Pavlov gave drinking shots of vodka a whole new meaning with this new years' celebration. Next year, they plan to even surpass this years' attempt when they will employ gunpowder too, to give that extra kick as it burns down the gullet."
Da, that's how you make the true black russian cocktail. 5pts
Scoreboard
fuChris - 75
Maurice - 76,5
Blizzardboy - 27
Galaad - 42.5
NoobX - 41
Angelito - 2.5
The_Polyglot - 22
Trogdor - 58.5
EnergyZ - 65.5
AlkarRahn - 65
Elvin - 54
Minion - 9.5
Neraus - 12.5
Damacon_Ace - 55,5
Artu - 4.5
Gryphs - 3.5
Markmasters - 25
Friendofgunnar - 7
Zenofex - 31
Jayce8 - 0
Doomhammer - 4
Gravorce - 3.5
Round 20
Will be rated on January 10th
____________
"Kip is the Gavin McInnes of HC" - Salamandre
"Ashan to the Trashcan", "I got PTSD from H7. " - LizardWarrior
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EnergyZ
Legendary Hero
President of MM Wiki
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posted January 05, 2018 09:17 PM |
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