|
|
OmegaDestroyer
Hero of Order
Fox or Chicken?
|
posted September 16, 2011 08:34 PM |
|
|
He can be faithful to his wife or he cannot be.
____________
The giant has awakened
You drink my blood and drown
Wrath and raving I will not stop
You'll never take me down
|
|
Corribus
Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
|
|
posted September 16, 2011 08:35 PM |
|
|
@OD
Playing devil's advocate:
But the wife is taken care of, and he visits her every day. It's not like she needs an emotional connection any longer. What is the use of a husband if you essentially can't even pick him out of a lineup of strangers?
____________
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later. -Mitch Hedberg
|
|
OmegaDestroyer
Hero of Order
Fox or Chicken?
|
|
posted September 16, 2011 08:58 PM |
|
|
I cannot speak on how important emotional value is to Alzheimer's patients.
When people get married, I used to feel it was for better or for worse. I've learned I greatly overestimated the convictions of most people who jump ship after the first petty squabble. Well, that and the abuse but we don't need to get into work...
I still treat marriage very seriously, however, and believe if you are going to marry someone, you take them warts and all. There is always a possibility that something horrible is going to happen to your spouse. If you can't handle or somehow understand that, then you probably should not get married.
This scenario reminds me of my fiance's recent fears. She has a 7-inch uterine fibroid that is causing her considerable pain. She needs to have surgery to have it removed. It could be as simple (relatively, of course) as a myomectomy or result in a hysterectomy. I've known she's had the fibroid ever since we started dating. I knew her mother had one and had a hysterectomy and that was always a possibility with Nicole. She was worried I would leave her if we could not have children together. I dismissed the notion as silly because I am perfectly capable of screwing up someone else's child in lieu of my own. It did not and still does not matter to me because I love her and if she can't have her own children, we'll deal with it. Anyways, she was afraid I would bail on her because things got tough. If you truly love someone, you'll stick with them through thick and thin (within reason of course. You shouldn't stay with someone who is physically, emotionally, or sexually abusive. If you do, well, you're just dumb.)
In the above case, if he feels the wife has no further need for a husband, then drop her. Let him move on with his life while she fades into oblivion. After all, there will be someone paid to look after her while he enjoys a new life.
I guess it all boils down to what you can live with.
____________
The giant has awakened
You drink my blood and drown
Wrath and raving I will not stop
You'll never take me down
|
|
Tsar-Ivor
Promising
Legendary Hero
Scourge of God
|
|
posted September 16, 2011 09:28 PM |
|
|
Lol Cor that's the third time I've seen you say that, now I'm going to check wtf a devils advocate is... ,
Edit: "One who argues against a cause or position, not as a committed opponent but simply for the sake of argument or to determine the validity of the cause or position"
Okay I get it now 
But really Markhur understands, when you spent your life with the love of your life and something like alzhymers happens, it's enough to tear ones heart out, I severely doubt there's recovering from it, especially at that age, unless of-course you never really loved your wife, moving on before she even died just shows that, which isn't bad because atleast he admits to himself that whatever he loved is gone and moved on, but it wasn't his hearts dearest who fell victim to the disease, that's for sure.
____________
"No laughs were had. There is only shame and sadness." Jenny
|
|
OmegaDestroyer
Hero of Order
Fox or Chicken?
|
|
posted September 16, 2011 09:33 PM |
|
|
A devil's advocate is merely someone who proposes a certain argument while not necessarily supporting that position, to test the validity of the original argument or learn new information. It's basically someone posting an argument for sake of argument.
____________
The giant has awakened
You drink my blood and drown
Wrath and raving I will not stop
You'll never take me down
|
|
Elodin
Promising
Legendary Hero
Free Thinker
|
|
posted September 16, 2011 11:49 PM |
|
|
Quote:
Doesn't sound like the individual loves his wife very much if he is willing to start a new relationship while his wife is suffering from a debilitating disease.
If anything, the husband is being selfish and putting his needs above those of his wife.
Indeed. My mother is in advanced Alzheimer's and seldom recognizes anyone anymore. She is reaching the point where more and more she does not respond to much of anything. My father goes to the nursing home to feed her lunch and supper every day. I can't imagine him ever saying "It's time to kick the old ***** to the curb." I think that is the difference between people who actually commit themselves to their spouse and who love them instead of just loving what their spouse does for them. Some people remain deeply selfish all their life and never truly learn how to truly love.
|
|
Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
|
|
posted September 17, 2011 12:01 AM |
|
Edited by Fauch at 00:05, 17 Sep 2011.
|
|
I don't see how another relationship is incompatible with that. and what about someone like mother teresa? she could commit herself to way more than one person
|
|
del_diablo
Legendary Hero
Manifest
|
|
posted September 17, 2011 12:31 AM |
|
|
If I am that far gone that I can't leave her, I guess I will become a vegetable to pride my Alzheimer spouse side.
And it won't really be leaving either, once past the point of no return, visiting the Alzheimers patient is just like visiting her gravestone to put some flowers there.
____________
|
|
meroe
Supreme Hero
Basically Smurfette
|
|
posted September 17, 2011 12:55 AM |
|
|
Its about respect for your spouse. You don't drop your partner as soon as things get difficult. If you can't make that commitment, then never get married and do your poor partner a favor.
It goes for all of your loved ones ... parents, siblings, spouses and children. If your five year old child was slowly dying from leukemia, would you think "oh well, there is nothing I can do, so might as well go and make another baby to replace this one". No you wouldn't. And if you truly loved your spouse, regardless of how bad their illness got, you would want to be with them and do whatever you could. After all, its not their fault they are ill. I believe that part of the marriage vow is 'in sickness and in health'. Its appears very simple.
And as much as anyone would sympathise with this man, they need to remember his wife hasn't done this on purpose. Her life is a neverending round of confusion and fear.
And I too fell for the practicality of this problem. She no longer knows him ... he visits her every day .... blah blah. It wouldn't really be hurting anyone and so on. Well yes it does actually, that is just an excuse and if you can't understand that, then maybe marriage and commitment aren't really your thing.
____________
Meroe is definetely out, sweet
as she sounds sometimes, she'd
definetely castrate you with a
rusted razror and forcefeed
your genitals to you in a
blink of an eye - Kipshasz
|
|
OhforfSake
Promising
Legendary Hero
Initiate
|
|
posted September 17, 2011 01:02 AM |
|
|
Heh -, I happeneded to read Meroe's post while listening to the national anthem of USA. It fitted really well
Anyhow, if I ever married someone, I'd want to (but certainly not demand to) be with that someone, and do what I could for her. If she remembers me or not won't matter, every day, she'll meet me for the very first time ever, and I'll do all I can to make it the most wonderful time ever.
Edit: I also liked your post, I'd personally have found it a lot more enjoyful, if you hadn't found something to "enemize". Makes it seem so bitter and resentful.
|
|
Corribus
Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
|
|
posted September 17, 2011 01:05 AM |
|
|
Irrespective of his opinion, I think Elodin's characterization of this is pretty unfair. Nobody is saying "kick the ***** to the curb". In the scenario, the man still visits her every day and loves her with all his heart.
For what it's worth, if I was in that state of dementia, I wouldn't want my wife to have to spend her whole life taking care of a corpse. I'd want her to find happiness, and if getting married to someone else was how she could get it, I'd be fine with that.
Then again, I'm a proponent of voluntary euthanasia, so if it was up to me, I would never reach that state of dementia anyway.
|
|
Tsar-Ivor
Promising
Legendary Hero
Scourge of God
|
|
posted September 17, 2011 01:11 AM |
|
|
Pff I wan't my death to be painful n'long, so that I have time to remember wtf I was doing anyway  , but ye'h I wouldn't let it get that far if I ever got dementia, ah recieving a 'good death' is something you earn, lad .
____________
"No laughs were had. There is only shame and sadness." Jenny
|
|
OmegaDestroyer
Hero of Order
Fox or Chicken?
|
|
posted September 17, 2011 01:11 AM |
|
|
Quote:
Then again, I'm a proponent of voluntary euthanasia, so if it was up to me, I would never reach that state of dementia anyway.
Same here. I've made that point very clear to my loved ones.
____________
The giant has awakened
You drink my blood and drown
Wrath and raving I will not stop
You'll never take me down
|
|
mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
|
|
posted September 17, 2011 01:13 AM |
|
|
It's a sad situation, but I move on. From the description, it's clear I loved the person I was married to, but after being severely afflicted with Alzheimer's, she isn't the same person any more. She may have the same name and body, but she's not the person I loved. The person I married is already dead.
____________
Eccentric Opinion
|
|
Corribus
Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
|
|
posted September 17, 2011 01:21 AM |
|
Edited by Corribus at 01:21, 17 Sep 2011.
|
@OFFS
Quote:
Maybe her greatest happiness in such a scenario would be to spend her whole life taking of you?
Then she can stay with me. The point is I want it to be up to her. I don't want her to have to live with me purely out of a feeling of obligation or guilt. I think a person should be allowed to let go, and not be made to feel like a bad person if that's what they want to do.
____________
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later. -Mitch Hedberg
|
|
Elodin
Promising
Legendary Hero
Free Thinker
|
|
posted September 17, 2011 03:57 AM |
|
|
Quote:
Irrespective of his opinion, I think Elodin's characterization of this is pretty unfair. Nobody is saying "kick the ***** to the curb". In the scenario, the man still visits her every day and loves her with all his heart.
For what it's worth, if I was in that state of dementia, I wouldn't want my wife to have to spend her whole life taking care of a corpse. I'd want her to find happiness, and if getting married to someone else was how she could get it, I'd be fine with that.
Then again, I'm a proponent of voluntary euthanasia, so if it was up to me, I would never reach that state of dementia anyway.
Kicking the sick spouse to the curb is exactly what some people are saying. Trade her in for a new model. If that one becomes "defective" get rid of it too, eh?
It is very much inhumane and unfair to call an Alzheimer's patient a corpse. As the video you linked to points out, even if the Alzheimer's patient does not recognize their loved one at the moment they still feel a connection to the person. I have certainly seen this in my mother's case. Alzheimer's patients are sick people, not dead people.
|
|
Corribus
Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
|
|
posted September 17, 2011 06:50 AM |
|
|
|
Sick or not, if I was that far gone, I wouldn't want my wife to spend so much energy and time (and, frankly, money) on a wasted cause. I'd rather just be euthanized so she could get on with her life.
|
|
JollyJoker
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
|
|
posted September 17, 2011 08:21 AM |
|
|
That's why I say at the point this is set, things have already been determined.
If you START meeting with someone, it's perfectly CLEAR that something like this may happen, and if you wouldn't want to commit to another person while your spouse is still "living", you simply shouldn't START.
Later, you have a third person drawn into this, and if you suddenly say, well, sorry, but..., ANOTHER person will be unhappy.
So the "dilemma" is actually set at a much earlier point. If you are already emotionally committed - wny suddenly back down? Will help no one.
|
|
Cleansed
Tavern Dweller
|
|
posted September 17, 2011 08:56 AM |
|
|
Quote:
Sick or not, if I was that far gone, I wouldn't want my wife to spend so much energy and time (and, frankly, money) on a wasted cause. I'd rather just be euthanized so she could get on with her life.
I find this way of thinking very sad. It sounds as if life is just a commodity, that when used up, can be thrown out with the trash and never thought of again. I regard everyone as having a soul and a unique purpose for being here. Alzheimer patients are still living, breathing, feeling and interactive souls. How could you ever consider someone "a wasted cause" when they did not ask or would ever want what has happened to them?
I truly enjoyed Ohforfsake's comment "If she remembers me or not won't matter, every day, she'll meet me for the very first time ever, and I'll do all I can to make it the most wonderful time ever."
|
|
Elodin
Promising
Legendary Hero
Free Thinker
|
|
posted September 17, 2011 12:00 PM |
|
|
Quote:
Sick or not, if I was that far gone, I wouldn't want my wife to spend so much energy and time (and, frankly, money) on a wasted cause. I'd rather just be euthanized so she could get on with her life.
Alzheimer's is a terminal illness. When a person is diagnosed he is already a "wasted cause", to use your words. Best to just kill terminally ill patients and throw their bodies in a mass grave, eh? I think that has been done by certain rulers before.
A person who loves someone will never view their efforts at giving a terminally ill loved one the best experience in life they can as being "wasted time, effort, and money."
|
| |
|
|
This thread is pages long: 
