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Doomforge
Admirable
Undefeatable Hero
Retired Hero
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posted September 17, 2011 12:10 PM |
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There is a difference between being with someone when the person needs it, and being with someone "because it's the right thing to do".
I hate "right things to do". It's like trying to pump your own ego because "you're such a good person". Fail.
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We reached to the stars and everything is now ours
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del_diablo
Legendary Hero
Manifest
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posted September 17, 2011 01:02 PM |
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People thinking Alzheimers is a curable disease where the patenti is still human after some point:
Its not.
If my kid was dieing of leukemia I would still with him or her to the very end, and then greiving after he or she dies.
I would still visist the gravestone after that, with sadness.
For Alzheimers? I would still visit her each day, for you are proposing we think to just "abonded her like dead flesh" or "stop visiting her", which we are not going to do.
You are also implying that there exists a cure, that she will recover, and that she won't be just a vegetable after some point.
The problem with Alzheimers is that it is a brain disease, and it is not able to target the areas responsible for motor control(hearth, muscles, etc), meaning her body will be perfectly fine even after she turns into vegetable chanting verses of childhood she can only remember.
She can even like several decades after aquirering it, providing she gets proper healthcare. It is just a coincidence that most people get alzheimers towards the end of their lives.
If you had gotten Alzheimers at a age of 18, and healthcare is there for you, you will likely live until the age of 60-70, without a life, just a vegetable.
We are not going to leave her behind.
We are not going to replace her.
We will just accept that she is dead, but I will still visit her, because I really love her.
Alzheimers is "illness" at first, but once it gets serious, you are just another vegetable.
I won't leave her, I still love her, but nothing says I can't love 2 people.
The problem does not exist until there comes a cure for Alzheimers, and I suddenly have 2 wifes in a society that can't tolerate it.
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vicheron
Known Hero
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posted September 17, 2011 02:26 PM |
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You cannot get people to accept that Alzheimer's is incurable and terminal because the condition fluctuates constantly. Even in the advanced stages, there will always be that one day where the person has a few moments of lucidity. People often see that as evidence that their loved one has a chance of getting better and they cling to that hope. That's the way it is with many terminal conditions. Even a few minutes of improvement can spark the hope that there is a chance, however slim, for a permanent cure.
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meroe
Supreme Hero
Basically Smurfette
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posted September 17, 2011 03:58 PM |
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Edited by meroe at 16:01, 17 Sep 2011.
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I've worked in a hospital and for many doctors, and while I have no medical training myself I have seen many people with degenerative and terminal diseases (unfortunately). Their families often never give up hope. As Vicheron has said, even in advanced stages of Alzheimer's, the patient can have brief moments of lucidity. And on average the disease eventually becomes terminal after several years. And this disease mostly affects older people 60/70+, so we are not talking about a young man of 30 ish. Neither are we talking about him caring for his wife for 30 years while she slowly dies.
Most often in these cases the couple have been married for 40 years and there is no way either one is going to leave their spouse and will stay faithful and caring until their partner finally succumbs to the disease.
Like any terminal disease, whether it be cancer, Alzheimers, Parkinson's etc. The patient doesn't linger on for decades. That only happens to extremely rare coma suffers.
So the truth of the matter is this:- the couple would have been married probably for at 25 years. Their family is probably grown and there maybe grandchildren. Either partner (after diagnosis) would already have been caring for a frail and confused spouse. They would take a long time to readjust to the diagnosis and then wish to help their partner more. Once the disease really takes hold and their spouse becomes occasionally violent and difficult or so confused and upset they may seek to have them hospitalized to care for them 24/7. They will still have a bond with their spouse, they will still occasionally see moments of the man/woman they married and love so much. And when the spouse becomes bedridden, they stay with them until they pass away.
Having an ill spouse or family member often becomes your entire focus in life and your life is fitted around that spouse and their care. So the suggestion that this man would be off free to start dating and forming another relationship while his wife dies in hospital isn't actually a true representation, unless he was totally callous and selfish. Like I said before its a practically presented problem to a very complex situation.
____________
Meroe is definetely out, sweet
as she sounds sometimes, she'd
definetely castrate you with a
rusted razror and forcefeed
your genitals to you in a
blink of an eye - Kipshasz
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Corribus
Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
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posted September 17, 2011 04:42 PM |
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@Diablo
Your description of Alzheimers isn't exactly accurate. While the disease does primarily affect non-motor neurons, even early onset versions of the disease invariably lead to reduced life expectancy. Death is typically due to causes secondary to the disease itself - often bedsores, in fact - in this way it's very much like AIDS.
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Elodin
Promising
Legendary Hero
Free Thinker
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posted September 17, 2011 11:48 PM |
bonus applied by Corribus on 18 Sep 2011. |
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In my mother's case, trouble with her eyesight was probably the first symptom of Alzheimer's though we did not recognize it as such. She had cataract surgery on both her eyes around four years ago but still complained about not being able to see well. A couple of years ago she became more forgetful and would sometimes have to pause to think about where she was going even in her house and she forgot how to cook. She was once a really great cook.
When she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a couple of years ago or so the MRI showed the part of her brain most affected was her octal lobe, that governs sight. My father took care of her at home for as long as he could. She had trouble dressing herself and finally Dad had to dress her. She got to where she could not carry her plate from the stove to the dining table (she'd forget what she was doing sometimes) and so he fixed her plate for her. Then she had trouble feeding herself and he fed her. And Mom had trouble taking care of all the bathroom stuff by herself so Dad helped her. Mom started getting up at night walking and trying to go outside but she could not figure out how to open the locks. She seeing things that were not there and talking to people who weren't there as she began to live in her memories.
When Dad finally reached the point where he could not take care of her any longer we had to put Mom in a nursing home. Like I said before, Dad is there twice a day to feed her lunch and supper. I stayed with her for 11 days in a hospital while they ran every test that could be run but in the end the doctors concluded her case was just an unusual case of rapidly advancing Alzheimer's. My time spent with her in the hospital in really when I came to terms with the fact that my mother is dying.
I helped Mom walk twice a week until she reached the point where she could no longer walk even with my assistance. She leans heavily to her left unless a pillow is placed on that side to support her so she has lost the ability to sit up by herself at this point.
Although she is becoming more and more unresponsive, as others have said she has moments of lucidity. When she does speak it is usually a single short sentence. Sometimes her words are very slurred but sometimes she speaks clearly. We treasure the moments we have with Mom. Mom is still part of the family and we still love her. We are there for her in the most difficult time of her life and we are being blessed with precious memories all along the journey.
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Revelation
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Corribus
Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
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posted September 18, 2011 01:00 AM |
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Edited by Corribus at 06:34, 18 Sep 2011.
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Sorry to hear about that, Elodin, but thanks for sharing the story. +QP awarded.
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted September 18, 2011 02:48 AM |
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it is like she is regressing to the state of baby 
which is interesting since this is supposed to be the beginning of life.
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markkur
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Once upon a time
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posted September 18, 2011 03:23 AM |
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@Doomforge
Quote:
I hate "right things to do". It's like trying to pump your own ego because "you're such a good person". Fail.
Well, I for one never feel like a "such a good person" So a "vow" is an ego-trip? I don't see it that way at all. It's "a pledge of commitment to never waver no matter what happens".
I suppose the ego does eventually kick in, with the fact my wife and I both have the security of each other...no matter what. But <imo>that's a good thing not a selfish thing. Hopefully it's not becoming a rare thing.
@Elodin
Your Father is an inspiration to me. Thanks for sharing his challenge...and commitment. Btw, I know this is hard to handle for you and everyone else too.
____________
"Do your own research"
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Azagal
Honorable
Undefeatable Hero
Smooth Snake
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posted September 19, 2011 08:23 PM |
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Elodin I must say that I am not a big fan of most of your posts and I have a very hard time agreeing with many of your ideas but I have a lot of respect for you now, as superficial as that may sound.
I can not begin to imagine how hard this must be for you and your family and I doubt I would be as strong when something like that would happen to someone in my family. Your mother is very lucky to have you and your family.
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"All I can see is what's in front of me. And all I can do is keep moving forward" - The Heir Wielder of Names, Seeker of Thrones, King of Swords, Breaker of Infinities, Wheel Smashing Lord
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Shyranis
Promising
Supreme Hero
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posted September 19, 2011 09:57 PM |
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Definitely, thank you for sharing.
____________
Youtube has terminated my account without reason.
Please express why it should be reinstated on
Twitter.
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bixie
Promising
Legendary Hero
my common sense is tingling!
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posted September 19, 2011 10:07 PM |
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like everyone else, Elodin, I may not agree with you on most things, but your story really has touched me. My respect goes out for your family for dealing with this situation.
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Love, Laugh, Learn, Live.
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Elodin
Promising
Legendary Hero
Free Thinker
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posted September 21, 2011 02:33 AM |
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Edited by Elodin at 02:36, 21 Sep 2011.
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Quote:
@Elodin
Your Father is an inspiration to me. Thanks for sharing his challenge...and commitment. Btw, I know this is hard to handle for you and everyone else too.
I'm glad my testimony has touched some folks.
I was blessed with two imperfect but wonderful parents. Dad has of course taken what is happening to Mom pretty hard, as have we all, but he is holding up well. Our family leans on each other. We laugh and cry together as we talk about the past, present, and future. And of course my wife walks by my side sharing the sorrows and joys of our life.
When bad stuff happens it does help to talk to people who understand. Aside from friends and family there are support groups for family members of Alzheimer's and other illnesses. And of course there are ministers.
We never know how much time we are going to have with our loved ones and we could all do a better job showing them how much we appreciate them.
Here's a challenge for everyone (you don't have to report back.) Do something nice for someone you love this week. Take the family out to play Put-Put golf or to the zoo or something else you can have fun doing together. Buy your significant other a rose on the way home from work; write a poem for you love; drop the kids off with grandparents for the weekend and take your wife on a weekend getaway (or just have a romantic "getaway" at home if you can't afford a trip.) I'm sure you can think of something.
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted September 23, 2011 05:12 PM |
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hey, I'm not sure why people don't do that anymore (well, probably many of them anyway) maybe because we are so rushed in our life? or maybe it's simply an habit? once you consider you have "conquered" your wife, you stop caring that much, kinda like a kid who finally got the toy he wanted so much?
Quote:
Elodin I must say that I am not a big fan of most of your posts and I have a very hard time agreeing with many of your ideas but I have a lot of respect for you now, as superficial as that may sound.
I don't really understand why you need to justify the fact you sometimes disagree with Elodin's ideas?
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Corribus
Hero of Order
The Abyss Staring Back at You
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posted September 28, 2011 03:31 PM |
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Dilemma #12
You're pulling out of a space in a parking lot and by accident you bump into another car. Nobody is around to see you do it.
Do you leave a note with your contact information?
____________
I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later. -Mitch Hedberg
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VokialBG
Honorable
Legendary Hero
First in line
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posted September 28, 2011 04:01 PM |
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No of cource. If someone hit my car the same way, he/she is going to run away too.
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mvassilev
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted September 28, 2011 09:45 PM |
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Yes, of course, and I'd expect anybody else to do the same.
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Eccentric Opinion
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Fauch
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
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posted September 28, 2011 09:59 PM |
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except vokial 
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baklava
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Mostly harmless
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posted September 28, 2011 10:50 PM |
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Classic West vs Eastern bloc cultural difference.
The way things were around here 'til recently, the other car's owner probably wouldn't even have noticed another bump in most cases.
____________
"Let me tell you what the blues
is. When you ain't got no
money,
you got the blues."
Howlin Wolf
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bixie
Promising
Legendary Hero
my common sense is tingling!
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posted September 28, 2011 10:55 PM |
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depends on who it belongs too.
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Love, Laugh, Learn, Live.
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