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Djive
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Zapper of Toads
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posted October 12, 2006 06:07 PM |
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You don't need to be a eunuch to apply to the 'Guardian of the Harem" position.
However, you have to state in very clear terms that you are applying. ( I want it clearer than a general wish for interest.) And it won't hurt if you state your perceived qualifications either.
Oh, and Pandora don't mind the toads. If they don't behave they do make a tasty snack. Wich reminds me.
New position for worshippers:
Positions of Lead "Gourmet Chef"
Qualifications desired for this one:
Must speak French. Must know several recipes based on Frog legs. Must be a good cook.
Benefits:
Access to the kitchen and a wealth of exotic spices and ingedients. Anything a cook that is serious in his or her profession can wish for.
Totally fresh ingredients of top quality.
Risks:
Do not burn the frog legs for fear of the consequences.
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"A brilliant light can either illuminate or blind. How will you know which until you open your eyes?"
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TnT_Addict
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Beautiful Liar
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posted October 12, 2006 06:42 PM |
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At last... The temple stands before my eyes... Such a long journey but I will finally accomplish my lifes dream, just a few more steps...
His camel was tired after a 2 week travel but it still listened to its owner, as it reached the temple it collapsed to the ground bringing his rider down with him.
The man was dressed all in white clothes leaving only a small oppening where his eyes were watching the temple in pure amazement.
He noticed the blue elf lady went on his knees and put his hand to his heart.
"Hello there almighty female pointy ears, I am Hanlin a nomad prince in search of greater glory than my tribe can give me...
I am the finest warrior of my tribe and very popular with the ladies might I add. My 2000 wives would probably miss my lil' warrior king during those lonely nights without me but I've heard that a warden is needed here... I think that I would fit quite well, whom should I talk to?"
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Please
click and help me out!! Thanks!!
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Gom_Jabbar
Promising
Famous Hero
Revealer of Truth
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posted October 12, 2006 07:16 PM |
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Gom was just sitting there waiting to catch a glimpse at the harem women, when suddenly a tiny man riding a camel showed up and began bragging about his 2000 wives (probably -2000 wives by his looks)
With a well placed foot in the man's bottom Gom diposed of his "rival"
- Don't mind him preety, just take a look at what you have here. I'm the best man a blessing could buy, for this job. Just look: I'm a graduate of the "Honorable Harem Holders Academy" (or 3H if you prefere), I was top of my promotion, I'm specialized in virgin testing and aprehension and submision of hard subjects. Also I have a master in Sexology and the art of Kama Sutra (I' always available for you to test my skills). Also I might add that my training skills are the best, and I'm able to train up to 8 virginswives at once.
And btw elfie: nice... behind. Are you free tonight?
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pandora
Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
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posted October 12, 2006 07:22 PM |
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Edited by pandora at 19:31, 12 Oct 2006.
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As the ice melted it left my hair a long shaggy blue mess, I shook off as much water as I could and looked back at Djive... What did she just say... "eat.. frogs?!"... I covered my mouth to keep from being sick all over the place - certainly vomit wouldn't help my chances of becoming a goddess. I wondered what exactly the consequences might be for burning frogs legs.. I looked over at one of the toads and something in his eye told me he knew *gulp*
A young warrior approached and kneeled before me - *now this I could certainly get used to!* I thought to myself with a smirk.
"2000 wives you say?" I asked, grinning at him "That means you are either quite skilled, or terribly hasty! As much as I could certainly show you greater glory I am an initiate - only just returned from a long trek through Canada, I await the word of the others - but those who sent me are now gone"
I looked around again for Romana, I rather liked her and that tasty hot tea she made- but I knew now my fate was in the hands of the great Goddess Djive. I hope if there's another initiation, at least she sends me somewhere warmer!
Without warning, my man in white went flying in the other direction, left in his stead was another - cockier (is that possible?) fellow.
"Elfie?!" I demanded. I stood up with my hands on my hips, moving so close to him our noses almost touched. My eyes were blazing "You listen here mister.. nobody calls me Elfie! Or else...or else.." I faltered, trying to come up with something clever to say, then it hit me - "Or else you wish to suffer the consequences"
OoC edit: Gom Posted at the same time as me! 
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"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
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Djive
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Zapper of Toads
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posted October 12, 2006 08:15 PM |
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Edited by Djive at 20:20, 12 Oct 2006.
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* looks Hanlin over *
"The warden position? It requires a good and strong hand with animals? Just how did you get that camel through the swamps I placed around the Temple? Err... Hmmm.... You are male so I do expect you will stay out of my Harem, which is magnifique. So how is your health condition? Been ill lately? Is your vaccination chart versus poison and tropic maladies up to date?"
* gives Hanlin time to recover the required documents and instead looks Gom over *
"That does sound like impressive qualifications though mot all that suitable for the work at hand. You are aware that the gnolls you will be watching in my harem are all males?"
"Anyway, more suitable qualifations are the following: strong sword arm, total alertness, immunity to the female gnoll: 'bewitch male ability' " stops and gives Gom a begging look.
* To Pandora *
The swamp provides herbs for a thousand different tees: murk berris, threno blades, marsh lilies, bull ochids, horse foot flowers and many many more.
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"A brilliant light can either illuminate or blind. How will you know which until you open your eyes?"
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TnT_Addict
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Beautiful Liar
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posted October 12, 2006 08:56 PM |
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"You are aware that the gnolls you will be watching in my harem are all males?"
Rubbing his hurt bum Hanlin got up on his knees only to hit the floor once again and start rolling in the dirt laughing out loud at what he heard.
"Go ahead dude I'm backing you up, you really should do whatever is needed in order to fullfill your most desirable fantasies... Me I would just stick to the animals, being a vegeterian could spare me some unwanted problems.
Making my way through the swamp gave me some hard times, you know that I had to drill a hole in my camel so I could drink from his water supply? I think my actions speak for themselves, not everyone will go through the hell I did."
Turns to the blushing elf lady "You need to excuse me madam but I had only heard about pointy eared people known as the elves, never actually saw one in the desert where I'm from. Anyway that's enough mystery..."
He unwrapped some of the cloth that covered his head from the burning sun and revealed his long flowing, straight blond hair, beautiful blue eyes and a badass smile.
"Top athlete and student of zoology from UNMPV the University of the Nomad Mongoose Poo Village reporting and ready for duty Miss Toad zapper, Miss!"
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Please
click and help me out!! Thanks!!
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Djive
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Zapper of Toads
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posted October 12, 2006 09:43 PM |
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Edited by Djive at 21:55, 12 Oct 2006.
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"Right. Let's get back to the task for you Hanlin. As warden you will be the caretaker of animal life in the temple area, as well as looking after the wildlife in the swamps outside."
"In those two houses there are many cranes and falcons, both of which are especically suited to hunt toads in the swamps and around the temple. As the warden you are responsible to make sure nothing ill happens to them. Guard them from theft and predators at all costs!"
"You see that deep hole with a security fence over there? It's the toad hole. I've made it to contain the toad meance that is currently plaguing the temple and surrounding swamps. Your job entails to catch runaway toads and frogs and deposit them into the hole. One advice, only throw normal sized Toads into the hole. Zapped Toads of non-normal size are not Toads forever!"
"Hmmm... I'd better explain about the toad menace. You see someone, for your inoformation this someone is now jumping and quoking around us. Anyway, someone got hold of my toad zapping wand and used it on The One Box. Ever since this event The One Box now randomly zaps its worshippers into toads. Hydras, Dragonfiles, Lizardmen, Gnolls, Humans. You name it and The One Box zaps it. Come to think about it, The One Box zaps it even if you can't name it too. Look there."
* points to a dog sized toad frozen in mid position with tongue out *
"That still Toad, it used to be a stone in the swamp!"
"Of course, as warden you will enjoy the benefit of an immunity item against The One Box zapping spell."
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"A brilliant light can either illuminate or blind. How will you know which until you open your eyes?"
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pandora
Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
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posted October 13, 2006 01:25 AM |
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Never seen an Elf you say?
*ooh, this could be delicious!* grins to herself.
So that would mean you have NO idea what an elf can do? We just a mystery to you?
eyes him up and down *oooh, pretty hair and eyes... he could be fun!
Just then Djive started talking about the Hole, I stood on tiptoe trying to get a better peek.
grrrr, I can't see! I need to get closer
A little voice in my head reminded me that while mischief and curiosity were my specialty - they were also often my downfall
Ooooh, the sign says "danger - do not pass" I just need to get a weeee bit closer....
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"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
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Gom_Jabbar
Promising
Famous Hero
Revealer of Truth
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posted October 13, 2006 01:55 AM |
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"Elfie?! You listen here mister.. nobody calls me Elfie! Or else...or else..Or else you wish to suffer the consequences."
Come on sugar. Stop blabbering. You know I'm irresistible. That was a compliment little one. 'sweet little creatures these elven ladies'
And you, godess or whatever you say you are, if I can defeat 10 golems by myself I think I can handle a few pesky gnolls of yours. As for the females, you can tell them to watch out my "horny aura". It can be devastating.
"Top athlete ...blah blah blah... from UNMPV the University of the Nomad Mongoose Poo Village ... blah blah blah"
And you mister 'tiny', just shut up!
And thus being said he got right behind Hanlin and landed another kick in the fellows bottom sending him flying 3 meters away.
Hehe... I bet you didn't see that coming... 'tiny'
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pandora
Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
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posted October 13, 2006 02:04 AM |
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Edited by pandora at 02:08, 13 Oct 2006.
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My head snapped up, my elven eyes shining with excitement - momentarily forgetting all about the hole and what mysteries lay within.
Such blatant disrespect... such brash behaviour!
I darted quickly into the marsh to gather some berries and herbs to make my own tea, inviting that poor Hanlan to sit with me and watch the show.
I was unable to contain my glee and grinned madly as I waited to see what Djive might do to this loud one..
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"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
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Gom_Jabbar
Promising
Famous Hero
Revealer of Truth
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posted October 13, 2006 07:43 AM |
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Suddenly the elven lady took of taking that Hanlin with her.
*why do women like to protect these loosers. god damn elven thinking*
*she is crazy for me, if I might say so myself*
*so now I'm alone with this Djive... hmmm*
*what shall I say now? well, I guess I'll just sit and wait and make myself a cup of cofee.*
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted October 13, 2006 07:48 AM |
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Man it's been almost 5 yrs since I seen this thread lol.
BomJabbar you should use the shower of devine with Djive to show true repentence.
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Dreaming of a Better World
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Djive
Honorable
Supreme Hero
Zapper of Toads
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posted October 16, 2006 07:06 PM |
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"Pesky gnolls?" * frowns * "You do realize that I am a Gnoll?"
"Anyway, I will give you the chance to put action behind your verbose claim of an aura of horniness."
* observes Gom serving himself coffee *
"Speaking of horniness, the gorgons and dragonflies ate all the coffee plants so we have to make do with grinded gorgon horns and toad saliva for our coffee flavour. I trust that is not a problem?"
"Oh, and about handling female gnolls visitors to the harem, you can do whatever you wish with them as long as they don't get inside the harems. Myself I'm allowed inside but let me give a due warning."
"I am a gnoll and I do not appreciate failed attempts at horniness. The toads around me will on the other hand welcome you to the group."
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"A brilliant light can either illuminate or blind. How will you know which until you open your eyes?"
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Gom_Jabbar
Promising
Famous Hero
Revealer of Truth
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posted October 17, 2006 04:15 PM |
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"Your a gnoll?!? Maaaan... I would have never been able to tell. Doh!!!. As for the cofee, I brought my own rich columbian flavoured cofee."
"Hmmmmm, you say that no one is allowed inside the harem! I almost feel sorry for those poor guys."
*toads, toads, toads.... fried toad legs... yumiii*
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Romana
Responsible
Supreme Hero
Thx :D
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posted December 09, 2006 11:08 AM |
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WAAAAAAAHHH!
With a thundering noise the temple doors slam open
I can't believe it! After all this time still only 2 red stars??
turns to Snowy
Go find the one with the red socks and don't bother bringing him here.. All I can say is.. Bon appetite 
What are these disgusting frogs doing here?
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The darkest skies show the brightest stars
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Aculias
Responsible
Undefeatable Hero
Pretty Boy Angel Sacraficer
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posted December 09, 2006 11:52 AM |
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It's Alive!!
Someone get me the Garlic & stake 
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Dreaming of a Better World
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TitaniumAlloy
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Professional
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posted December 09, 2006 12:42 PM |
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anything else?
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John says to live above hell.
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pandora
Honorable
Legendary Hero
The Chosen One
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posted December 10, 2006 03:15 AM |
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Romana! Finally you're back!
*rushes to hug Romy*
Now can I pleeeeease be a Goddess too?
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"In the end, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends."
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Consis
Honorable
Legendary Hero
Of Ruby
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posted December 10, 2006 06:52 AM |
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Um . . .
I beg and plead that Pandora be made an honorary Goddess to be worshiped regularly in this temple.
I offer my *services* as collateral.
 Let us pray
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Roses Are Red And So Am I
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Dragon_Slayer
Honorable
Supreme Hero
toss toss toss
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posted December 10, 2006 03:09 PM |
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Bah, no matter how much you beg you can never be a godess Pan.
Born a pole dancer, die a pole dancer
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This thread is pages long: 
